Ironic, isn't it, for one who loves solitude as I do. Yet that is different. When I schedule time for solitude, it is time spent on my terms. I decide when and how to "waste time with God." Illness is not on my terms. I may announce that I cannot afford to get sick at this time, but my body succumbs regardless. I am not in control.
My, I struggle with the issue of control. The lesson that God teaches me most often is to let go of the reins. I wholeheartedly commit to letting go and then gradually forget that my life belongs to God and I am about God's business. I charge ahead charting a course that may or may not be of God's choosing. I am so very competent and capable.
But then, something happens that reminds me that it is foolish to think I run the world. Illness is such a reminder. When I am ill, I am at the mercy of my body. I must wait for my body to heal. I must wait...
As I wait, if I let go of my impatience, I can learn...
God has given me an amazing gift in my body. It is miraculous in how it operates. It makes no difference whether I think about it or not. I am a healthy person and I expect my body to operate without my conscious direction. I become conscious (and frustrated) when something goes awry. If I have a toothache, I am very aware of my tooth. If I have a cough, I think about my chest. Otherwise, I give little thought to my chewing or breathing. As I sit and write this note, there are actions without measure that are happening inside my skin. I cannot comprehend them all even as I give thought to them.
Can I delight in the miracles that occur in being alive each day, each moment? Let that be my focus, dear Lord!
Grace and peace to you.