Each week Joe beam answers questions our readers submit to him about love, sex, marriage, and relationships based on his years of experience as a counselor and minister.


Never thought I'd be asking this question as a Christian or as a woman who was cheated on by her former husband. What do you do when you love a married man? He has been in a loveless marriage for years and is frustrated because the counselor comes up with ways for them to reconnect but his wife says she "can't go there." If a marriage continues to be daily hell, does God desire us to stay there? — L. S.

God intended marriage to be a relationship of love. As the Shulamite wrote of her husband Solomon, "I belong to my lover and his desire is for me" (Song of Solomon 7:10 NIV). Unfortunately, sometimes it turns out differently. Why? Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hardheartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan" (Matthew 19:8 MSG).

You are hearing only one side of the story, and hearing the wife's side of things might change your view (Proverbs 18:17). Even if it is as bad as described, when counseling fails there are many programs that God uses to work miracles with marriages in trouble. (Example: www.LovePathInternational.com) However, a major problem exists in the situation you describe: You.

As long as the husband has a confidant — especially a confidant in love with him — he cannot focus on repairing his marriage. When people have a viable "out" awaiting them, it affects the way they see life, marriage, and the future. In short, he will not have reliable judgment about his marriage as long as he has relationship with you. He cannot be objective and neither can you.

Jesus made it clear that adultery — violation of the marriage contract — exists before a married person has sexual contact with another (Matthew 5:28). He commands that the tempted spouse must remove the temptation, no matter how painful (Matthew 5:29-30). As a Christian woman, especially one who knows the heartbreak of being cheated on, please remove yourself from this man's life immediately. Write him a firm "goodbye" letter, give up any hope of having him, and direct him to us, or someone like us, so that his marriage might have a chance of healing.

If you have a question about love and relationships, send them to me at ask@JoeBeam.com. I'll answer 1 or 2 questions each week, using my counselor's experience, academic research, and a deep respect for God's Word.

Jesus made it clear!

And if your marriage is in trouble, we can help. Go to http://www.JoeBeam.com. Our success rate, even if one partner comes reluctantly, is three out of four marriages.

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