Why is it so hard to endure unjust and unfair criticism? Why do we feel that we have to defend ourselves regardless of how ridiculous or unfair the accusations against us may be? Why do we have to have the last word in any argument, or look to get even if we don't?
Often, the problems we have with others in an argument escalate because we do not
"choose a gentle answer." So, why do we not choose
"a gentle answer"? These are the excuses I hear from others, and sometimes make myself are:
- "I don't want to appear to be weak!"
- "I don't like to lose at anything!"
- "I don't want that person to have the last word!"
- "I resent the unfair things, the demeaning things, that person called me!"
When I look at these excuses - some of them are my excuses - the same pronoun appears again and again: the pronoun, I. And what is in the middle of all sin? A great big ol' I, always - sIn! We lose sight of saying what is in
"the interests of others" (
Philippians 2:3-4) and poison our influence on others because of our selfish, "I"-infected speech. In place of the "I" problem, let's focus on saying
"only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (
Ephesians 4:29). To do that means that we use a gentle answer!
Precious and Holy God, please help me more carefully guard my speech from things you despise, especially gossip, slander, rage, malice, and meanness. I know that those ways of speaking and treating my brothers and sisters grieve the Holy Spirit.* I open my heart and close my mouth, inviting the Holy Spirit to produce the holy fruit of the Spirit in me. May this fruit be evident in me, especially when I speak. Thank you. In Jesus name and by Jesus' grace, I pray. Amen.
* Grieving the Holy Spirit is found in
Ephesians 4:30. The fruit of the Spirit is identified in
Galatians 5:22-23.
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