It just happened to me again: I learned of a great spiritual leader, a
man whom Ive respected for two decades, who is struggling to keep his
marriage together following an affair he had. I continue to remind
myself that this sin isnt something that happens just to people who
don't care about following Christ. It is devious. Incremental.
A good book for any man to read as 1997 gets cranked up is Patrick
Means Mens Secret Wars (Revell, 1996). Here are a couple choice
There are early warning signs that a relationship may be
developing into an emotional affair. Here are three questions for
- Are you currently developing a relationship with any woman other than
your wife that raises a red flag in your conscience?
- Do you have meetings with other women (even if they are not of a
romantic nature) that you deliberately hide from your wife?
- Are there women in your life right now, other than your wife, whom
you often think about, are excited by, and find yourself looking forward
to being with?
A yes answer to any of these questions suggests that you may be
sailing into dangerous waters.
When it comes to giving up a secret life, I believe there is a
simple test to help us know whether were experiencing true or false
repentance. If Im willing to tell someone else what Im struggling
with and ask for help, then its true repentance. If Im not willing to
tell anyone else, Im only fooling myself.
Have a good year but keep your eyes open!
- Ask yourself the three questions.
- Find a spiritual brother to confess your struggles to.
- Live in prayer.