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Anger is not necessarily a sign of relational immaturity or instability. Anger is an inherent component of all human relationships. Anger is so prevalent in marriage where you are so dependent on and vulnerable to someone else. People in healthy and unhealthy relationships argue and disagree. The difference is that in the healthy relationships those disagreements result in increased understanding, trust and security. They reflect mutual respect, even in disagreements.
|Healthy expression of anger is a testimony to the strength of a marriage.|
So if we agree anger is inevitable, the question becomes how are the healthy ways we can reflect mutual respect and increased understanding in our disagreements? Here are seven suggestions for showing more respect and understanding towards your spouse. These seven tips are from Good Women get Angry and I suggest that you read more about it, to get more of the valuable details.
Remember that asserting yourself is not an act of aggression. It is an act of communication. It is saying I value myself, you, and this relationship enough to speak the truth in love.
The process of achieving intimacy is similar to the way that gold was purified in Christs time. The goldsmith started out with raw gold that contained alloys and impurities. He would put the gold in a container and heat it up. When the gold had melted and had reached just the right temperature, some of the alloys would come to the surface. The goldsmith would scoop these off.
He would continue the process six more times. At the end, if he had done his job well, he would have pure gold. Each time he would have to heat the gold to just the right temperature. If it wasnt hot enough the impurities wouldnt come to the surface. If it got too hot he would lose some of the precious metal.
Our relationships are a lot like gold. They start our in very rough form. We have a rough idea of what it means to love. We want intimacy but arent always sure what it is and what is involved in achieving it. However, God knows all about intimacy. He wants to teach us how to use our anger to help bring the alloys and impurities of our lives to the surface. The healthy expression of our anger can help us clarify, understand, and appreciate our differences. When we deny our anger and run from conflict we are running from the very process God can use to heal our hurts and knit our hearts more tightly together in love.
Copyright © 1999, Byron Ware. Used by permission.
HEARTLIGHT(R) Magazine is a ministry of loving Christians and the Westover Hills church of Christ.
Edited by Phil Ware and Paul Lee.
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