It is in the powerful context of fellowship and of confession that these illusions can be resisted. There we can admit what’s lurking in our hearts beneath the surface.

God doesn’t want us to be impure but to live holy lives.

    The problem for many of us is that we’re afraid to admit that we have such thoughts. We live in the even greater illusion that other men are doing well and they’d just reject us if they really knew us. I’m sure Satan wants us to believe that. But the truth is that other guys are fighting their own temptations. Recently my older son and I attended a Promise Keepers rally and heard the results of a PK survey. Among men who attend PK events, 60% are in a real, life-and-death struggle with sexual sins (adultery, homosexuality, lust, pornography, etc.). That’s not 60% of the general population, but 60% of men who are already fairly motivated to follow Christ. Brothers, it’s the testimony of scripture and of my own life that our battle against sin is best waged in the context of community. We need other men in our lives who can hear our sins and struggles, pray with us, and keep us accountable.

    Seven years ago, Alan asked a minister who’s a friend of his for a few moments. For years, he’d wanted to blurt out his own confession, but he had always backed out. On this day, Alan fidgeted in his seat, made small talk, and felt cotton mouth attack before he pressed on to tell about his long struggle with sexual sins—a struggle that had taken him to pornographic magazines, late night premium channels, 900-numbers, and many near-affairs. All the while, he had been a ministry leader in one of the most aggressive youth ministries around. He had loathed—and then loved—and then loathed again his sin. The only way he’d been able to cope with the guilt was to restart the cycle with another flush of excitement.

    But that day he bared his soul. And God’s Spirit, through the help of a friend, began the process of healing and reformation. Today he still struggles—sometimes unsuccessfully—but he no longer sees himself owned and defined by that struggle. With the admonitions and encouragement of a few caring men, he has yielded himself more and more to the purifying work of God’s Spirit.

    Is it time for you to follow Alan’s example?

“I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—which is your spiritual worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1, 2a).