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Traps Traps
    by Byron Ware

    I have a friend, who will remain nameless for this article, who recently invited me golfing. He is a good golfer. He was smashing his drives and putting great. Then he knocked his golf ball into a sand trap. When they created the word trap to go along with the word sand they were not kidding around. The definition I found for trap is this, “something contrived for catching and holding.” (Did you see the British Open?) That sand trap had a hold on my friend’s golf ball like the Statue of Liberty has on the torch.

    I read a great article tonight in TODAY’S CHRISTIAN WOMAN, September/October issue, about traps that we fall into our marriage relationship. The author, Susan Alexander Yates, was reflecting one day about her husband of 24+ years, and came to the realization the more she thought about him, the more she didn’t even feel as though she liked him. Her point, "...a strong marriage friendship doesn’t just happen — it takes work. Part of that work involves avoiding three traps that can spoil your ability to like the one you love.”

    THE PICKY TRAP — Have you ever gotten upset over one “character flaw” that your spouse has and allowed one flaw to continually occupy your thoughts. What if your spouse actually changed? You probably would find something else to make yourself dissatisfied with them, wouldn’t you? Too many times we choose to dwell on the “negatives” we find in those we love, instead of looking for all the “positives.” That’s just our picky human nature. You might want to look at Matthew 7:2-4 when your start feeling this way. Jesus reminds us the place we should start with our picky-ness!


There is no perfect relationship...
    THE COMPARISON TRAP — When you are feeling blue, focusing on “poor pitiful” you, it is easy to look around and compare. “I hate my spouse’s measly job, measly income... look at my friends who are married to people with exciting careers and bigger paychecks — I’m embarrassed by what my spouse does.” The comparison trap is a miserable trap to fall into. “Look at that couple! Look how affectionate they are. I wish my spouse was more affectionate.” Sound familiar? That person may have all sorts of other problems in their relationship. There is no perfect relationship and more than likely you wouldn’t want to trade yours for theirs.

    THE HOPELESS TRAP — Ever listen to a couple’s problems and walk away thinking, “Their marriage is doomed.” We have a Lord that is victorious against death. I have seen prayer and spiritual recommitment save a “doomed” marriage a couple of months ago. This wife had left her husband to live in another town, but the husband found the Lord and a new commitment for his family. Do you feel discouraged? ...hopeless? God is the God of the impossible — don’t allow yourself to sink into the hopeless trap.

    Satan has contrived many ways of ruining marriages and relationships; that’s pretty obvious from the statistics. The way he works on our marriages usually involves traps. Remember the definition for a trap — catching and holding? Don’t let Satan get a grip on your marriage.

    After a frustrating few minutes, my friend finally got his golf ball out of that sand trap. He makes a conscious effort to steer clear of those traps now. Are you making a conscious effort to steer clear of Satan’s traps for your marriage? Did my friend let that one trap kill his enthusiasm for his game? No way! So, don’t let Satan steal the joy and friendship you have with your spouse either.

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Title: "Traps"
Author: Byron Ware
Publication Date: October 12, 2000



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