Don’t Sweep it Under the Rug Just Yet by Byron Ware

    Anybody else just sick and tired of hearing about our President’s fiasco? Nobody is as irritated about the partisan bickering and the explicit details as I am. A lot of Americans are saying, “It’s what all men do…It doesn’t affect his job…His personal life is his business…Let’s move on.” At this point I think everyone would like to move forward, but there are some critical lessons that can be learned and some wonderful teaching opportunities for our children.

    My wife and I watch little television and listen to very little radio, but it is amazing how my daughters have still heard about our President. I have heard a couple of therapists describe ways to talk to your children after they hear the details of marital infidelity in the media. They said, “You can’t lock your children in a closet, so why not use this as a teachable moment.”

    This is a teaching opportunity where you can talk about issues that your children will face in the future. One of the biggest mistakes we make as a parent is when we ignore, or neglect, opportunities where our kids can learn. It is better for our children to learn these lessons now, than learn them later, the hard way.

    What kind of issues can they learn? Let’s start with the sanctity of vows. First, what kind of a promise keeper are you? Your children know how you keep your promises. What did God say to Moses about vows? “When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.” (Numbers 30:2) What did Jesus have to say about vows? “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’ But I tell you, Do not swear at all:...Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:33, 34a, 37) In a nation where half the marriages fail, this is a message that desperately needs to be told. Our children need to know that there are many others out there that may not take their marriage vows seriously. All the more reason to impress on our children that the dating and engagement times are important in finding out about a future spouse.

    One of the best issues we can all learn from the President’s mistakes is that when a marriage partner looks for physical pleasure outside of the marriage, everybody loses.

This is a teaching opportunity where you can talk about issues that your children will face in the future.

    I have heard a lot about Hillary and how she probably feels, but what about Chelsea? Children in the middle of rocky marriages have emotional damage to deal with. Imagine the insecurity they must feel and the pressure from believing that they must “make” the parents stay together. The spouse is devastated and trust may or may not ever be reestablished in the relationship. The guilty party gets to deal with just that, guilt, for the rest of their life. They also have to start completely over in building trust with the wronged spouse.

    This can be an opportunity where you reconfirm you love for your spouse in front of your children and reassure them not all marriages have to be this way. Children can be somewhat insecure with the news as well as what is happening to their friend’s families. After you have reassured them, it might be good to talk about the mistakes that couples do make. Here is a valuable chance to tell them reasons not to get married and explain mistakes from others that have gone through life shattering experiences.

    Here is the tough one, forgiveness. Regardless of how you feel about the President, this is a big opportunity to talk about forgiveness. Your children may be listening closer when you talk about this, than anything else you talk about. They will want to know how you feel about forgiveness when they make a mistake. What will you say about forgiveness? I believe that it may be harder for my Christian brothers and sisters to forgive the President than others. One of the greatest leaders of all time had to deal with his infidelity problem. For my Christian brothers and sisters, you might do good to re-read about King David or what Jesus said in Matthew 18:21-35.

    As you talk about forgiveness, you can finish your discussion by telling your children that we all have choices in life. With the choices and the decisions we make there are consequences that we will have to face. King David paid an extremely high price for his pleasure with a married woman. He lost a baby, one of his sons committed incest, the incest brought about murder, the son he loved so much grew up and tried to overthrow his kingdom, and that brought the death of that very son.

    Our children have a lot to learn about marriage. Seize the day and the opportunity to discuss what can be a beautiful Christian marriage and what can make marriage such a struggle. Discuss the marriage vows, how nobody wins in the President’s situation, reconfirm your love for your spouse, and don’t forget to talk about forgiveness. So, please don’t sweep these opportunities “under the rug” because time slips by, and before you know it your children could be learning from their own sad situations.