Steady, It Could Be God

Sun, 29 May 2005 00:00:00 -0500

David was once again on the run with his mighty men. He had just received a message stating "that the hearts of the men of Israel are with Absalom." His son was leading a national rebellion against him. David moved quickly, afraid that Absalom would overtake him in Jerusalem and kill those in the city, so he organized a hasty retreat. History records that just to ride with David a man had to have personally killed 700 men in a single battle. So these men riding with David were proud warriors. The thought of tucking tail and running must have been distasteful. Not only were they not afraid to fight, they were men who lived to fight. It's against this backdrop that David's heart is revealed.

Shemei, a relative of the late king Saul, confronted David as he rode in retreat with his band of warriors. As they rode, he threw rocks at David and his special guard, cursing the King and shouting that he was getting what he deserved. The troops seethed. "Who is this insolent dog that he should curse the King?" David's men waited in anticipation. "Just give us the nod," they thought, "and we'll rid the world of this blight."

It had already been a very bad day, and finally here was an object on which they could unleash their rage and frustration. How dare Shemei curse the man to whom they had sworn allegiance -- who for whom they would gladly die. But instead of a nod, they got an unusual response from their leader. "Steady men, steady. It could be God. It could be God."

The impact of betrayal in a marriage is not dissimilar to the situation in which David found himself. Betrayed by family, a home under threat, and accusations coming from within and without. These are seemingly hopeless situations. How do you respond? If you judge the situation from the world's perspective, and look to your own ability and resources, if you see this situation as the source of your misery, then hope will be hard to find. That perspective links your peace and happiness to the outcome of the crisis.

In that mindset, the only way you will find resolution is if things turn out the way that you have judged as appropriate. If things turn out any way other than the "right way," then you lose your peace and joy, and in a sense the situation or your mate's betrayal becomes bigger than God.

If on the other hand we choose to see God in this seemingly impossible situation, then new possibilities appear. It could be God. What is the Almighty up to? How is he going to use this in your life as well as in the life of your spouse to bring about his good purposes? God isn't the cause of your situation, but He did permit it and He will use it as a way to draw us near to him.

As a boy, I loved Captain Kangaroo and one of my favorite parts of the show was the artist. Captain Kangaroo would draw an ugly scribble on the board as a challenge to him. The talented artist would study the scribble and begin to draw around the seemingly meaningless mark. To the artist, something was revealed by that doodling and he would incorporate it into a magnificent drawing. When he was finished, it was impossible to distinguish the mark from the drawing. It was no longer an ugly mark; it was now a part of the whole.

I believe that is exactly how God operates in our lives when those ugly marks appear. He takes the evil that has invaded our lives and works it into His will and works it into His plan. I really don't know what's good or bad, only God does, and as long as I can remember that, things are never out of control. As I keep God as my focus rather than my mate or the situation in our marriage, then I can still experience peace even in the darkest hour. Let's try to see Him in everything. Steady, it could be God!

The story of Absalom and David can be found in 2 Samuel 15.

Hopeless?

Sat, 07 May 2005 00:00:00 -0500

The tangled wreckage left by betrayal frequently leaves those involved feeling hopeless and confused. Jesus' statement, "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32 NIV) seems at the very least misleading in this case. For many, the discovery of what is true leads to many things, but freedom is not how you would typically describe the ensuing feelings. In fact for many, living in the lie, before the revelation of the betrayal, seemed much more comfortable and free than having to live with the truth of what has happened. This holds true not only for the betrayed, but also for the betrayer. As couples begin to face the reality of their situation -- to face what is true -- they often come to the conclusion that their situation is hopeless, but not everything that is true is the truth.

When Terry first came to my office, he believed he was finally facing the truth. He had been in a four month affair with a woman with whom he had "fallen deeply in love." His 21 years of marriage had been a miserable failure -- as he put it, they should have never gotten married. Right up front, he informed me that he didn't want to give up his affair partner, his marriage was hopeless, and that he was sure he didn't want me talking him out of what he was doing. I surprised him when I told him that his observations were true: "It's true that the other woman makes you feel better about your self than your wife, and it's true that she's younger and more attractive than your wife, and it's true that the sex is better with your affair partner than it is with your wife, and it's true that your marriage is hopeless." As I pointed out what was true I could see his countenance lift, but then I pointed out that not everything that is true is the truth.

We tend to view circumstances from a Godless perspective, forgetting that the "truth" is a person and what is consistent with that person! Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life ...." (John 14:6) If what I believe to be true ends up as hopelessness, then it's not the truth, because truth is found in the person through whom all things are possible and in whom things are never hopeless. The truth is, "God will not fail you or forsake you." (1 Chronicles 28:20) When we see no way, the Lord says, "For I know the plans I have for you ... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) I told Terry that we weren't going to focus on what was true, but rather we were going to focus on the truth and get Jesus into the center of the situation. From this Jesus-in-the-center perspective, we began to find hope.

I encourage you to keep focused on the truth and not to become discouraged by what seems to be true. As you've already learned in this life, all is not what it appears to be and only One offers us the truth, the real and powerful and hopeful truth.

Rick is the Founder of The Affair Recovery Center. For more information please feel free to visit at AffairRecovery.com

Articles by Rick Reynolds at Heartlight

Steady, It Could Be God

Hopeless?