Articles by Mike Cope at Heartlight

Men and the Struggle for Purity

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0500

I should have been suspicious! When the men in my weekly prayer group asked me to bring my Day-Timer, I should have smelled something rotten. They know how I struggle to keep my travel under control. On one hand, I know when enough is enough, when my family and church need more attention. But on the other hand, I'm a sucker for any speaking opportunity that sounds "good." (Of course, that's the noble reason for traveling. These men are aware that there's usually more at stake than spiritual altruism.)

These three men -- Former friends!! -- asked me to place my Day-Timer, my watch, and my wedding ring in the middle of us. Then they prayed -- prayed about purity, about rest, and about priorities. And they challenged me to accept no more out of town speaking engagements beyond what I already have scheduled for a certain time.

This small group of guys has been meeting together for years. We stay together because we share a common goal, to be pure men of God, and a common problem, recurring failure in meeting the goal. At this point, we almost couldn't get out of the group if we wanted to: we know way too much about each other!

We believe just what Paul told the Thessalonians: that God doesn't want us to be impure but to live holy lives. And we know ourselves well enough to know we might not be up to that challenge without being accountable to one another. So we come to confess. That we're weak. That our marriages have ups and downs. That we're tempted. That we struggle to get our sense of worth from God rather than from the approval of people.

When men struggle alone, they usually fail. Who can stand up against the magnetic pull of internet pornography, office flirtations, raging anger, pay-per-view seduction, or lucrative deals that cost integrity?

"It is God's will," Paul told the church in Thessalonica, "that you should be holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NIV). Even though a Christian man believes in personal holiness and longs for it, the sweet illusions of sin can too easily trap him:

"This isn't really an addiction." "She and I are just friends -- it's all so innocent."

"You have to play this way to survive in the business world."

"I'll pour myself fully into my career just one more year and then I'll reengage with my wife and kids."

It is in the powerful context of fellowship and of confession that these illusions can be resisted. There we can admit what's lurking in our hearts beneath the surface.

The problem for many of us is that we're afraid to admit that we have such thoughts. We live in the even greater illusion that other men are doing well and they'd just reject us if they really knew us. I'm sure Satan wants us to believe that. But the truth is that other guys are fighting their own temptations.

I can still remember when my older son and I attended a Promise Keepers rally and heard the results of a PK survey. Among men who attend PK events, 60% are in a real, life-and-death struggle with sexual sins (adultery, homosexuality, lust, pornography, etc.). That's not 60% of the general population, but 60% of men who are already fairly motivated to follow Christ. Brothers, it's the testimony of Scripture and of my own life that our battle against sin is best waged in the context of community. We need other men in our lives who can hear our sins and struggles, pray with us, and keep us accountable.

A number of years ago, Timothy (Not his real name but he is a real person!) asked a minister who's a friend of his for a few moments. For years, he'd wanted to blurt out his own confession, but he had always backed out. On this day, Timothy fidgeted in his seat, made small talk, and felt cotton mouth attack before he pressed on to tell about his long struggle with sexual sins -- a struggle that had taken him to pornographic magazines, late night premium channels, 900-numbers, and many near-affairs. All the while, he had been a ministry leader in one of the most aggressive youth ministries around. He had loathed -- and then loved -- and then loathed again his sin. The only way he'd been able to cope with the guilt was to restart the cycle with another flush of excitement.

But, that day he bared his soul. And God's Spirit, through the help of a friend, began the process of healing and reformation. Today, he still struggles -- sometimes unsuccessfully -- but he no longer sees himself owned and defined by that struggle. With the admonitions and encouragement of a few caring men, he has yielded himself more and more to the purifying work of God's Spirit.

Is it time for you to follow Timothy's example?

I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—which is your spiritual worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:1-2)

Mike is the preaching minister for the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, Texas and is intimately involved in New Wineskins magazine.

Website: Mike's Blog

The Toll Over the Long Haul

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0600

I mentioned recently hearing Bob Russell talk about the toll that criticism takes over the long haul. He told about an Easter service a couple years ago that he thought was the best he'd ever been part of. Knowing Bob, that means that the resurrection of Jesus was proclaimed clearly. But afterwards, an older woman came up to him and complained that it was the first Easter service she could ever remember where the song "Up From the Grave He Arose" wasn't sung. (So we're not the only ones who sing that song?)

He also mentioned a guy coming to him recently after one of his messages and bragging about his sermon. But he said, "It reminds me of the kind of messages you used to preach years ago when we came to this church."

Some compliments hurt ... because they are complaints with complimentary ribbons on top.

Recently I preached my little heart out at the ACU lectureship. The next morning I ran into someone from our church who said, "I heard you last night. It was so wonderful to finally see you in a suit again." That was it. Thanks so much. A few Sundays ago, when the second assembly was over, someone came to me and said, "That was great. It really seemed like you meant it today." Uh, yeah. Thanks. I don't usually mean it.

Both of those anecdotes are so small and insignificant. But Bob was right about the long haul.

I'd like to continue growing into the image of Christ so much that some day I can receive every criticism. I'd like to be so centered in my inner being, so reliant on God's acceptance of me, that I could hear the truth in criticism and not be bothered by what's not true.

But in the meantime ... I'll keep reading Henri Nouwen. He struggled with the same thing!

Mike is the preaching minister for the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, Texas and is intimately involved in New Wineskins magazine.

Website: Mike's Blog

Remembering and Praying

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 00:00:00 -0500

I have so many childhood memories invested in Biloxi. We went there almost every year until Camille crushed it in 1969.

At the time, my mom's doctors told her that what was needed to help psoriasis was lots of sun. Of course, doctors now say that the sun is the one thing skin doesn't need! But we were going with what we were told then.

So off we'd go every year for the Admiral Benbow Inn. (Maybe it led to my Treasure Island obsession.) Since at the time our daily newspaper in Neosho, MO was family owned, my dad could trade them free advertising for a couple weeks of lodging. Why the Admiral Benbow Inn wanted to advertise in Neosho, I don't know. But apparently it worked.

It was during those years that my mom taught me the delight of raw oysters (a passion I still have), and my dad taught me to ride the waves (which I passed on to my boys).

When we got married in 1978, we drove to Hot Springs (yes, we heard all the jokes) for a couple days, returned to Harding for my graduation ceremonies, and then took off for -- of course -- Biloxi.

New Orleans has been one of our favorite spots since we started going to Pensacola Beach in 1989. Each year we've built a stop in N.O. into the itinerary. Sometimes we've stopped just for a quick beignet at the Cafe du Monde. But most of the time we've saved enough time for Preservation Hall (home of New Orleans jazz), the Imax, Ralph & Kakoo's, the aquarium, and a stroll along the Mississippi. A couple times we've splurged with dinners at Nola's (one of Emeril's restaurants) or Galatoire's.

I wonder what's happened to all these places.

But even more I wonder about all those people we've seen through the years. I still can't wrap my mind around this tragedy.

At Highland and thousands of other churches this Sunday, we'll be taking special contributions. Our prayer is that God will get that money to people in need as quickly as possible!

The disciples determined that according to their ability, each would send relief to the believers ... (Acts 11:29)

Mike is the preaching minister for the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, Texas and is intimately involved in New Wineskins magazine.

Website: Mike's Blog

The One Egg Special

Sun, 01 May 2005 00:00:00 -0500

For fourteen years, I've been having breakfast most Wednesday mornings at the infamous Towne Crier. It's been a wonderful time to be with preachers from other Churches of Christ in town.

As members have drifted back and forth from one church to another over "major differences," we've just smiled, enjoyed our friendship and remembered that what goes around comes around.

It's rare for anyone to order anything other than the One Egg Special. (Yes, it may remind you of the Blue Plate Special that Barney used to order at the diner in Mayberry.)

One egg, meat, and bread. It's $2.19 for the breakfast. Yes, those of you in Manhattan, you read that correctly. It's less than you pay for a gallon of gas. (I know there's an easy response based on double-entendre, but don't go there.)

We get the same thing. But we order it SO differently!

I'm the "normal" one egg special guy: one egg over medium, bacon, and a biscuit -- with water. No bells and whistles. Just pass me the strawberry jam.

Eddie orders the same thing, except that he has iced tea. That's right: iced tea for breakfast. When the waitresses see him coming, they know it's time to pour the tea.

Terry's one egg special goes like this: one egg scrambled, bacon, and a pancake (believe it or not, they'll substitute a pancake for the biscuit). Water.

Don's order adds an interesting twist: "I'd like the one egg special with an extra egg." Now I'm not Einstein, but wouldn't that be a two egg special? Apparently not. Coffee.

Phil is Mr. Atkins. He asks for extra bacon instead of the biscuit. Bring on the protein; hold the carbs. Diet Dr. Pepper to drink.

So there you have it. We place five "one egg special" orders. But they look very different.

It's funny to us that some of our members probably think our churches are vastly different. But we're all just one egg specials. One may be low carb, one may have the extra egg, and another is downing iced tea.

But we're way more similar than most people suspect. In small worlds, minuscule differences can look VERY LARGE.

Can you imagine how much energy is burned in many communities by members of various churches talking in outrage about what another church is teaching or doing?

I'd like to think that in those communities, one morning a week the ministers are getting together for a bit of Towne Crier Koinonia: a one egg special, trust, deep concern, and a little humor.

Mike is the preaching minister for the Highland Church of Christ in Abilene, Texas and is intimately involved in New Wineskins magazine.

Website: Mike's Blog