Articles by Sarah Stirman at Heartlight

I've Become the Other Woman

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0500

"This is how we know what love is ..."

I have frequently requested a weather forecast for my church. Not for the town the church is in -- for the auditorium. I have suggested a running scroll on the website: "Current temp in the auditorium is 58° and breezy. Dress accordingly." or "High of 84° in the auditorium today." I have yet to be heeded.

Recently it was 58° and breezy. On Easter Sunday. The children were precious in their Easter finery and blue lips. My daughter, Ashley, and I were in "spring-ish" type clothes, but not sleeveless. When I sat down, I got quite cool quickly.

I was sitting next to my husband, Troy, while Ashley was on the other side of him. He finally put his arm around her trying to warm her up a little. I sure would have liked that warm arm around me, but I made do tucking as much of myself under the other arm at his side trying to warm up. Eventually, he leaned forward to remove his jacket.

"Good plan," I thought, "Leave your arm around Ashley, and give me the jacket -- or vice-versa, whatever. I'm good." Oh, no. He handed Ashley the jacket so he could have both of his arms back.

Let me be honest -- I sat there shivering. And beaming. It pleased me to sit by while Troy took care of his girl the way she needs to be taken care of. I want my daughter to know her daddy is crazy about her. As she seeks out a husband, I want her to know how she should be treated, and know what it's like to be the apple of a man's eye.

Having a loving parent helps a child understand the love of God -- well, as much as we can understand it on this planet. Having loving parents helped me start to get an idea about the unconditional love of God. I want Ashley to know that as crazy as we both are about her, it's just a tiny drop compared to the abundant, never-ending, perfect love of her heavenly Father.

I spend plenty of time shivering for her while watching tennis, I don't mind a little more shivering while her daddy takes care of her. It's why I picked him.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (1 John 4:11-12 TNIV).

Sarah is part of The Coffee Group, a varied group of women who express their love, faith, and praise for God with ladies they love. They do ladies' retreats and special speaking on God's work in their lives, as well as the importance of sharing your faith story.

More of Sarah's work can be found on her blog, http://www.sarahstirman.blogspot.com.

Check out "The Coffee Group" website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Sarah (Riley) Stirman graduated from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Elementary/ Special Education. A freelance writer, she currently lives in Abilene, Texas with her husband, Troy, their 2 children: Ashley, and Riley, as well as Duchess the chocolate lab and Stickers the hedgehog.

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

Considering Valentine's Day

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0600

My family experienced some minor medical drama the week between Christmas and New Year's while traveling out of state. On one of my many trips to the drug store, I had to stop dead in my tracks. I was perusing the Christmas decorations and wrapping paper on clearance. I turned around to look for more, and was faced with a shelf full of boxes of Valentine's cards that children will use to declare love for classmates. Before the confetti of the New Year's holiday is swept up, the shelves in stores are fully stocked with hearts, balloons, and all manner of Valentine props and paraphernalia.

Maybe it's age, maybe it's motherhood, maybe it's global warming, but I don't think of Valentine's Day the same way that I did as a young, single woman or newlywed. Valentine's Day is a fun, light-hearted opportunity to lavish love on those around you, but life has shown me that love rarely looks like the front of a Hallmark card.

Love is not running along a beach hand in hand. Love holds the flashlight in the middle of the night, make-up long gone and tempers flaring, holding your tongue while your sweetie attempts an emergency home repair. Love isn't demonstrated by dewy eyes across a candlelit meal, but rather by one more run to the doctor or pharmacy when you are exhausted beyond reasonable or rational thought.

Valentine's Day lends itself to romance. Romance is wonderful and exciting, but won't take you very far when the stomach bug hits, or your "Love Shack" floods, or one of your parents is critically ill and/or dies. Romance will not be found in any of those situations, but love is there larger than life. Love brings the cool wash cloth again and again for the stomach bug, and mops and covertly repairs damaged keepsakes during the flood, and cries and holds and works and loves with an ill family member.

Love is not rose petals and champagne, but aching backs and work gloves. Love at my house never dances in an evening gown or tuxedo, but love supplies the elbow grease, the patience, the encouragement, and the clean clothes to face each day and, Lord willin' a comforting place to come home to when the day seems to come out on top. Love is holding tight when no words will fix it, and tears the only language uttered.

Love is not a polished, glimmery state. Love is messy, inconvenient, and frustrating. Love is giving up the last ounce of energy, sleep, time, or chocolate for the well-being of another. Love isn't found in romantic restaurants or destinations, but in hospital waiting rooms, the lobby of funeral homes, and kneeling in prayer next to race-car or princess beds in the middle of the night. Love is less about flowers and cartoon hearts, and everything about the value of another soul on this planet. I guess that's a little harder to put on the side of a coffee mug.

I will play along this Valentine's Day, like all the others, and I certainly hope for you to feel cherished on that day. But, later in the year when the toilet overflows while the drama at school comes to a boiling point and work causes too many demands to keep everyone civil, love will be there with a plunger, Kleenex for the tears, and hugs, pats, and kisses for all the things the plunger and Kleenex won't fix. Consider that your own Valentine's Day -- but don't look for Hallmark to make a card for it anytime soon.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV).

More of Sarah's work can be found on her blog:
http://www.sarahstirman.blogspot.com

Sarah is part of The Coffee Group, a varied group of women who express their love, faith, and praise for God with ladies they love. They do ladies' retreats and special speaking on God's work in their lives, as well as the importance of sharing your faith story.

Check out their website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

Focus on the Goal

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600

It happened again. Out running, my foot landed squarely on ... something ... a pecan ... a rock? Whatever it was, it rolled my foot right off, twisted my ankle, and sent me sprawling. Now I'm sporting an oh-so-fashionable walking cast and have a few weeks to rest the foot before I can take off running again.

Having a "poor me" moment, I started thinking, "Well, how am I supposed to run? I guess I'll have to focus on the ground around me to keep this from happening again ..." That would slow me down considerably, and cause me to hate running as I would spend each run scanning the road at my feet for obstacles or jeopardy instead of enjoying the scenery and running toward my goal.

Well, what do successful runners do? Successful runners run smart by not running on obviously treacherous landscape, but run with gusto enjoying the scenery, scanning the road for obvious pitfalls and dangers but keeping an eye on the goal, knowing that injury is an acceptable risk: it just might happen and you deal with it when it does. You can't run a successful race worrying about and focusing on obstacles and injuries; you run a successful race by knowing your goal and running toward it.

What if this race I run in life were the same way? What if I spent most of my time enjoying the scenery and focusing on my goal of heaven instead of trying to tiptoe my way around obstacles and worrying about what I will do if I get hurt? I tend to hyper-focus on people that may (or have) hurt me, situations and arguments that hold me back or frustrate me, and obstacles and stumbling blocks that only serve to keep my eyes off my goal.

In the same way that the road I run on is my reality, and perils along the way will likely be a problem at some point, this world that I live in is my reality, no matter how perfect my goal destination is. Focusing on my goal of heaven won't keep this world from affecting me, twisting my ankle and scraping my knees on occasion. But I can't let the fear of that injury keep me from running this race with all I've got, loving and living big and loud, spilling God's love and sharing my goal of heaven along the path. I must run smart, and avoid obvious pitfalls, but I have to accept getting hurt as acceptable risk: it will happen at some point and God will continue to be faithful, providing His people and His comfort in my time of recuperation.

So I'm ready. Ready to get back to road running as well as running through life with my eyes on my goal, not on the pettiness and mess around me. If you see me sprawled along the way, I may need help to my feet, I may need a ride home, and I may need some encouragement and comfort while I recuperate. But I'll invite you to run alongside me, running this race with perseverance, fixing our eyes on Jesus, striding together toward the goal.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV).

Sarah is part of The Coffee Group, a varied group of women who express their love, faith, and praise for God with ladies they love. They do ladies' retreats and special speaking on God's work in their lives, as well as the importance of sharing your faith story.

Check out their website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

Holiday Hangover

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0600

Here it is just a few days after Christmas and I've done it again: I'm suffering from yet another holiday hangover. Not the kind that comes from indulging in too much alcohol, though the fit of my pants indicates that overindulgence of something needs to be addressed. I have the kind of holiday hangover you get from overspending, overeating, over-scheduling, and overdoing.

Every year I start the season with a deep resolve and an optimistic plan. I will budget for Christmas for several months so that my family will not be eating lint-covered Christmas candy from the bottom of our stockings as a meal by mid-January. I will deck the halls in manageable stages so that I am not getting out the last of the decorations on December 24 to put away on December 26. I will limit our family's activities so that when it comes time to distribute the gifts on Christmas morning we still recognize each other. Those are always the plans. Then I wake up, it's December 26, and this Christmas season has looked like all of the others.

It's the expense of Christmas that gets me every year. The postage for the Christmas cards, the "one last" decoration we need, the "little gifts" that add up and add up, even the food we consume this time of year seems to total a staggering amount. Then my children are out of school and expect to eat during the day. What's that about? I bought them Christmas gifts, they expect me to feed them, as well? And wouldn't it be a lovely Christmas outing for us to go to the movies together as a family? Kids, I hope you learned something, because we just spent your first year of college on a two hour movie and one tub of popcorn. Even with gasoline prices dropping, a 1,000 mile trip isn't cheap on the fuel tank!

I try not to resent the overwhelming total of this time of year. It is completely within my power to change what my family spends and every year I have grand intentions of doing just that. But I seem to simply take the path of least resistance and most expense, and then gripe about it.
So here it is the limbo-week between Christmas and New Year's -- time to look back and look forward. I have a moment to slow down and evaluate. Financial folks will tell you it's time to make an end of year evaluation of your finances. Once I've found all the spare change in the couch, I'm through with that exercise. It's also a good time to take an overall life evaluation. Is what I'm living reflecting what I say I believe?

My thoughts turn to the expense of the season. I look back and count the outrageous cost of this holiday. I repent of my extravagance as I think about the original cost of this holiday: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son ..." (John 3:16 NIV). I sprinkle the financial blessings God has given me on various things throughout this season, but God gave all He had for the season. He allowed his only child to leave his heavenly home and come to this flawed world. He did that so "... that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). Amazing.

I look toward 2009 with a grateful heart. Thankful for another day, possibly another year, to live a life of gratitude, possibly a life of moderation, and share His blessings with the people He puts in my path.

Check out their website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

A Thankful Heart

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600

You may think of it as "the official start of the holiday season," you may consider it a day to endure, you may think of it as a day of eating and watching sports, or you may just think of it as any other day. However you see it, Thanksgiving is right around the corner.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I like that there are no expectations to give or to get. I like that there is an excuse to wear your "Thanksgiving pants" -- my Aunt MaryLynn wears hers faithfully every year -- so that you have room to eat plenty. I especially like that we are reminded to be grateful. (But, does it seem ironic to anyone else that we spend one day being grateful for all that we have in our life, yet get up with the chickens the next day to scratch and claw our way to a sale on all the things we think we must have?)

I hope that when my life is summed up, I am known for being grateful all year -- not just on one day. I teach my children that even through annoying times, there is plenty to be grateful for. I was challenged greatly on this not too long ago when plumbing caused the floor through most of my house to be ripped up by a jackhammer. Yet even through that mess, there were so many opportunities to be thankful we couldn't really complain about a temporary inconvenience.

I believe that young children can learn to be grateful, but it must be modeled for them. Does "Oh, why does this ALWAYS happen to ME???" or "Well that didn't work out like I thought, but I'm glad we got through it" sound more familiar? As the parent, find the silver lining and point it out to remind us all -- especially your children -- to be grateful.

This summer, my 10 year old broke his foot for the 2nd time this year. He was very sad at the prospect of spending a few weeks in a cast, perhaps missing the camp he was so excited about, and being on crutches through the heat of the summer. He was allowed 5 minutes every evening to feel sorry for himself about it -- but that was it. We know too many people that have had far worse than a broken bone for us to waste life bemoaning a break that will heal. After the third day, he really didn't feel like using his 5 minutes. Why waste time complaining about what is or could be, when there are new ways to have fun on crutches?

It doesn't take too much of a rosy point of view to be grateful, but it takes seeing beyond your own life and problems.

Diet not working? Then you have plenty to eat -- unlike entire countries on our planet.
Grocery prices too high? Yes, they're painful, but have you seen the gas pump? Prices going down there!
Drive a crummy car? If you have access to a car, you are very wealthy in the eyes of the world.

Our burdens and complaints would be blessings to many people.

Paul tells a little secret he has learned with his beloved friends in Philippi:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV).

Many of us use this last sentence as our "go-to" verse when times are tough or trials press in on us. Yet it was originally written not to simply withstand a situation, but to be content in every circumstance.

A kid at heart, I love "Veggie Tales" shows. One of my all-time favorites is Madame Blueberry, who is always blue and grouchy. She tries to soothe her grouchiness with a trip to StuffMart, hoping that buying more and more stuff will comfort her. That doesn't work. She encounters Annie and Junior, singing this song:

I thank God for this day,
For the sun in the sky,
For my mom and my dad,
For my piece of apple pie!
For our home on the ground
For His love that's all around
That's why I say thanks everyday!

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!
I'm glad for what I have,
That's an easy way to start!
For the love that He shares,
'Cuz He listens to my prayers,
That's why I say thanks everyday!

A thankful heart truly is a happy heart. May your happy heart find reasons to say thanks everyday!

Sarah is part of The Coffee Group, a varied group of women who express their love, faith, and praise for God with ladies they love. They do ladies' retreats and special speaking on God's work in their lives, as well as the importance of sharing your faith story.

Check out their website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

Move On!

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0600

A week before Thanksgiving, I begin rehearsing for the family gathering. I practice keeping my smile steady while doing my mental head slap. I carefully rehearse keeping my gaze focused without rolling my eyes. I do deep breathing exercises for relaxation. Having experienced the same family gathering over various holidays for years allows me to know the script by heart -- the jokes, the stories, the complaints, the barbs. As the day grows closer, my rehearsals reach comedic level as I occasionally toy with the idea of ditching the usual script in favor of a family game of "Tell Me How You Really Feel" to clear the air. The relaxation exercises prove futile as my blood pressure hovers at temple-throbbing level. Something must be done. It's time to move on.

Many of us approach the holiday season like the movie "Groundhog Day" -- it's the same exact Christmas as 1984. The clothes and decorations may have changed, but the emotions and arguments with family are the same. Maybe it's time to move on -- not to a different location for the holidays, but a different frame of mind.

In Exodus, go with me to the scene just before the dramatic crossing of the Red Sea. The Egyptian enemies are close on the heels of the Israelites, who take this opportunity to whine to Moses about being drug out into the desert to die when they could have just as easily died in Egypt. Moses gives an inspiring speech concluding with: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14 NIV).

For years, that was my favorite verse since it is a struggle to remain still and let the Lord fight instead of trying to dig out of the messes I make. Not too long ago, however, someone encouraged me to keep reading in Exodus 14. Evidently, the Lord was not quite as inspired by Moses' words as me. The very next verse says, "The Lord said to Moses, 'Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.'" I love that. Sometimes I just need to move on -- the Lord says so Himself.

Need to apologize to someone? Apologize. Move on.

Need to forgive someone? Forgive. Move on.

Are there "issues" and baggage to drop? Let go of the baggage, with professional help if necessary. Just move on.

In a go-nowhere relationship? Either give it all you've got, to repair it, or declare it officially dead. Either way, move on.

Christians wear the name of the One who set us free from bitterness, fear, and unforgiveness, but often we live like we don't wear the very name of Christ, a name defined by selfless love and forgiveness.

There are times to let the Lord fight for you and be still, but there are times when the Lord says (in Sarah's paraphrase), "Quit whining and MOVE ON." This can be a season for change. Apologize. Forgive. Let go. Move on.

Website: The Cleft of the Rock

Why Do I Go to Church?

sstirman@gmail.com (Sarah Stirman) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Newsflash: I don't go to church to worship God.

Oh, I DO worship God when I go, but if MY church were going to be all about ME and MY best way to worship God, MY church would only have ME in attendance, and I would be outside somewhere talking with and worshipping God. I have had the privilege and responsibility of being in on some discussion about "worship planning" recently. I finally told the group: "Not gonna happen -- you will NEVER plan a worship service that is perfect for me, or anyone else for that matter. I don't worship best in 'the pink room' (what I call our horribly outdated auditorium)."

Besides not lovin' the setting for "corporate worship," I'm generally busy. I interpret services for the deaf. That means I'm HEARING what is said and sung and prayed, but I can only process it in the part of my brain that translates it into another language, not the part that absorbs it and lets it transform me or reflect praise to our Father. Even when I'm not "working" by interpreting, I'm "feeding" signs to the person who is interpreting. (The very funny part about our deaf ministry is that we are positioned in the auditorium where the speakers shoot the sound over us -- the interpreters can't hear a thing where we are!) Again, even if being surrounded by hundreds of people were my "thing" for worship, I'm a little occupied.

But, I do GO to church: I'm one of those "every-time-the-doors-are-open" kind of people. (I'm also one of those "last-ones-leaving-because-they're-turning-off-the-lights," but that's a whole other issue.) Even though I am openly professing to not attend church for the number one cited reason for attending, I think it is a crucial part of my faith and "Christian walk." I'm also teaching that to my children. My children know where we will be "every-time-the doors-are-open," and they know we don't plan events or things that would interfere with our attending.

So ... you GO to church, but you don't go to church to worship God? HUH?

So, why do I go to church?

I actually started thinking about all of this for several reasons. First, the church where I worship has started making an intentional difference in our two morning services. The second service is "less traditional" in nature. And our "more traditional" service is struggling over some bumps of its own. This, as you might imagine if you are a regular attender somewhere, has ruffled a few feathers and created some exciting end-of-the-pew discussion. I have also been included in some committee discussions regarding planning worship. Our "corporate worship" time has been on my mind lately.

Someone is unhappy with the song choices ... or song tempo ... or song leader. Others aren't happy with the screens or temperature or preacher or what-have-you. And -- true confessions -- I'm right there with them in many regards. As I mentioned -- you can't plan a perfect worship for me, especially if there are people involved!

While all of this ha-rumphing was fresh on my mind, I sat down and encountered notes from a worship conference I attended last summer. This was on the top page:

Evaluating worship based on doing the right things in the right way or 'did it make me feel good' is having low expectations. Instead, evaluate worship on whether or not God showed up. There is NO worship renewal without expecting to meet the Almighty God. (Randy Harris)

That quote makes me feel better about not feeling like I am really able to worship at church. Oh, I feel certain the Almighty God is THERE -- but I am only able to worship Him by serving His people while in "the assembly," not by chatting with Him and listening to Him. The best part is, I'm not missing my time with God if I don't get it inside the church building. The Almighty God shows up to talk to me and walk beside me on my morning walk. He listens so patiently while I fold the clothes. He blesses us again and again while I pray over carpool. My entire life -- SHOULD I CHOOSE TO DO SO -- can be a time of worship, complete with the presence of the Almighty God. Because He will ALWAYS show up -- I just have to show up, as well.

And while the songs sung or words said and images displayed at church may or may not stir my soul, I can still worship because I will be in the presence of the Almighty God.

May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice (Psalm 141:2).

Check out their website:
http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Come visit them on their blog:
http://www.espressohislove.blogspot.com

The Coffee Group is part of the Heartlight.org Network

Website: The Cleft of the Rock