Articles by Michele Howe at Heartlight

Totally Present for Today with a Vision for Tomorrow

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 00:00:00 -0600

On any given day, women will be caught daydreaming of tomorrow. Not that dreaming is a bad exercise; sometimes the most winning plans have been hatched during these mental "blue sky" wanderings. However, the kind of musing that hinders, rather than helps, is different. This troublesome visitor incites disappointment, frustration, and impatience. It never allows for the beauty of current life to hold sway. It has a covetous spirit of wishing for something else.

Society places a weighty amount of pressure on women to succeed on many levels -- this involves both personal and family success as well as social and professional success. Today, many Christian women necessarily fill multiple roles, each one vying for her attention and interest. If she's smart, she'll recognize that today's responsibilities do not define her life as a whole. Life can change in an instant, and often does. This realization, coupled with trust that God is at work in her life (Philippians 2:13), helps a woman embrace the moment without becoming discouraged that the current circumstances are unchangeable (Romans 8:28).

There is something to be said for getting into the rhythm of your days. Viewing all of life as worthwhile, with its seemingly few and far between glamorous moments along with its more mundane ones, grounds us in reality and prepares us for the future. Everything we do in the next twenty-four hours prepares us in some measure for the road ahead. Whether we long for greatness in some obscure professional field or simply hanker to excel at gardening, matters little. Our focus, our intent, must be on giving our all and living in the moment of today, using the opportunities that God gives us, in whatever direction we turn our attention.

Sadly, countless women spend precious time wandering mentally into tomorrow's unknowns -- both the worries and the wishes. This feeds their feelings of discontent and eventually overrides their good sense. That's why Jesus warned us, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34 TNIV). It is not that setting goals and pressing ahead toward growth, improvement and God's intentions for us are wrong (Philippians 3:12-14). But, we can get so pre-occupied with the future -- by worry and by wishing -- that we lose sight of today's good and the opportunities God provides for us to grow, achieve, and change.

Yes, today's difficulties can take a toll. Still, armed with the right outlook, women can use hardships as stepping-stones toward future opportunity and success (Philippians 4:13). It's all in the viewpoint and the end goal. Learning to take everything in its turn enables women to invest in this day's work while eyeing hopeful possibilities and God's opportunities. Author David Ireland reminds us that as we seek to live fully on this given day, "... the destination seems nearer and the view is more picturesque." It is possible to be totally present in the now and still have a vision for tomorrow. It is!

The enemies of being totally present in the day and having a vision for tomorrow, along with some spiritual counter-measures:

Exhaustion -- spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical: take care to daily balance work and rest, seeking God's renewing presence.

Purposelessness -- spiritual, personal and profession: dream big and then make practical plans always seeking to honor God.

Unreasonable expectations -- worrying about uncontrollable outcomes: be satisfied with doing the best you can and trust God to be at work in your life.

Shortsighted Perspectives -- feeling alone and helpless: with God, today's shortfall isn't the last or final word.

Selfishness -- wishing for something else: discipline yourself to look beyond your own wants/needs/desires and think of the way God has blessed you and can use you to bless others.

Michele Howe is a book reviewer and writer with a women's lifestyle column, "Embracing Life's Curves" with Syndicated Writers of America. Michelle's books include: Going It Alone: Meeting the Challenges of Being a Single Mom, Prayers for Homeschool Moms, Prayers for New and Expecting Moms, Prayers of Comfort and Strength, and Prayers to Nourish a Woman's Heart.

Website: Syndicated Writers of America

Market Place Moments: Appreciation

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace" (Luke 7:50 TNIV).

"The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out." (Dale Carnegie in "How to Win Friends and Influence People")

There is something wonderfully enigmatic about sensing that another person notices your efforts -- weak attempts though they may be -- and kindly expresses such recognition with even a single word of thankfulness. One paltry word, even? Yes. A mere word can make or break a person's spirit.

On any given day, individuals, young and old, from every life background have an inner, and frequently unidentified, hunger for a bit of expressed goodwill. Dale Carnegie knew this secret over fifty years ago and spent his life reminding others that all people have this need. It's a "craving" to receive validation for their accomplishments, their purpose, and their very person. Carnegie notes that, "... the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand."

Cynics may grouse that there's a fine line between appreciation and flattery or between affirmation and manipulation. Well, it isn't so. Flattery is simply verbal manipulation that benefits the speaker alone. The words may be true or not, that's not the point. Flattery is about the one speaking it and his or her gain, not about the person receiving a false or exaggerated compliment.

Appreciation runs deeper. It marks another's actions or attitudes and sees the benefit in the attempts ... no matter how insignificant. Real appreciation also alters both the speaker and the recipient, for the good. It spawns renewed vision, encourages continued efforts, and lights a fire for ongoing perseverance toward excellence.

Perhaps the most significant difference between flattery and appreciation is that one offers life in abundance while the other signals an inner death knell to the listener. People instinctively know if they're being schmoozed and it's always an ugly thing.

The question then is how to offer praise genuinely when someone is glaringly lacking from every visible vantage point. Again, wise and resourceful Carnegie offers this quote as a starting point for zeroing in on others' strengths, hidden though they might be: "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). Wise words and utterly true.

In short, as we practice the art of identifying people's strengths and offer words of consistent appreciation, we will take part in their success. This will naturally spill over positively, affecting countless others. Today, begin focusing on the strong points of people and then commit to communicating daily sincere appreciation to all. These few powerful words, which cost us so little, will be treasured by the recipient long after we've forgotten them, and there's nothing insincere about it.

Website: Syndicated Writers of America

God in the Dark

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Sun, 05 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0600

"Everyone is served their cup of sorrow in season." (David Jeremiah in Slaying Giants)

"He takes us into the dark night. He weans us from all the pleasures by giving us dry times and inward darkness. In doing so, He is able to take away all these vices and create virtues within us. Through the dark night pride becomes humility, greed becomes simplicity, wrath becomes contentment, luxury becomes peace, gluttony becomes moderation, envy becomes joy, and sloth becomes strength. No soul will ever grow deep in the spiritual life unless God works passively in that soul by means of the Dark Night." Chuck Swindoll in Job

On the day I celebrated my forty-fifth birthday, my yearly custom typically included anticipating a sumptuous meal with my husband, opening thoughtfully presented gifts from my four lively teens, lunching out with treasured friends stretched casually over several weeks' time, and savoring the largest section of the most decadent chocolate cake ever conceived.

There were myriad activities I should have been looking forward to, but I wasn't. In truth, the very thought of commemorating this previously ritually joyous event made me even more depressed. Depressed? Did I mention the word depressed? Couldn't have ... not me. Not the "I'm always in control" person.

Then why? Why was it that I found facing the truth of my current predicament so very painful? Why did a simple elective shoulder surgery send me into a brief period of emotional despair? I wasn't depressed before I opted to have my loose shoulder tightened. Something transpired within my psyche during those subsequent post-op days that sent me spiraling into a black, obscure night of the soul. The worst aspect of this terrifying, albeit temporary experience, was that I felt powerless ... utterly helpless ... and entirely alone on this companionless journey. And where was God?

Having never experienced such drastic fluctuations in my emotional state before, I didn't recognize the signs of depression. True enough, I wasn't sleeping -- enduring continual shoulder pain for weeks on end will inhibit even the soundest sleeper from gaining daily needed rest. I had also stopped exercising for a solid month post-surgery, something I've never done in my entire adult life. This too, may have contributed to how off-kilter my body felt as it responded to this drastic change in my former daily pattern.

Most significantly, and most terrifyingly, it was as though someone was pinning me against the wall ... and no matter how mightily I struggled, I couldn't break free. It was in this skewed frame of mind that I unwisely began contemplating life ... my faith, my marriage, my work, and my future. Pondering the past, present, and future through these murky, dimly lit lenses was not a good thing. This habit alone increased my sense of despair and my lack of hope. Thankfully, I had outside support or I may have begun believing that my wild mental digressions into the hopeless were true. Because my family and friends continued to speak positive words of truth, accurately assessing my life, indeed my very person, I was able to heed that small, still-sane, voice in me that continued to resist these negative mind-speaks. It was a battle to be sure, one that I fought hour by hour, and often I found myself placing a desperate telephone call to a trusted friend for perspective, to vent, to question, and for prayer. But where was God?

We've all heard of these ominous periods in the Christian life defined as, "the dark night of the soul." Some of us, perhaps most of us if we're honest, don't really invest much emotional stock in the excess suffering another has endured ... until we experience it firsthand. Outwardly, we know what to say, how to respond, and what glib words of wisdom to bestow. Inwardly, I fear, we shrug off the uncomfortable exchange ASAP in the hopes that it will never happen to us ... and we too soon forget the intensity of our friend's war inflicted scars.

Eventually, the unspeakable makes a direct hit -- as it did with my depression -- and we're the ones who are suddenly paralyzed by some stunning blow we didn't see coming. Mind you, the particulars of the troubling circumstances don't seem to be of much consequence, for the response is almost unilaterally universal -- that of gut-wrenching panic and abhorrent denial, even among the faithful. It could be a financial blow, the death of a parent, a lingering betrayal from a former friend, a child gone wild, or even a minor illness turned terminal.

However the specific "trial" takes shape, we're generally forced to face it alone. Not that caring friends won't come alongside and lend a hand of support, rather, it's simply that every person has to face down her or his own inner demons of fear, worry, anger, regret, addictions even, and then make sense of the blind-siding pain in light of God's promised care. And where is God we wonder?

Whenever we find ourselves struggling to understand life's pain and injustices, we must eventually come to a definitive understanding of what has occurred and that important question, "Where exactly is God?" We often have to do this while we are suffering, seemingly alone. Emotions, we know, are fickle and frequently traitorous ... we cannot rely upon our feelings as the stalwart foundation for functional living. No, as seasoned followers of Christ, we realize that God's Word alone offers the respite and care our frailty and neediness demands. God promises to be our refuge and a very present help in time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

So why do we sense we're walking solo during moments of deepest despair? Why too, does the temptation to give into fleshly desires seem so potent and appealing during these periods of tenuous faith? And finally, we ask again, where is God to be found when everything around us -- including our God-given five senses -- is declaring his absence?

Perhaps writer Jerry Bridges says it best in his text Trusting God:

If we are to trust God in adversity, we must use our minds in those times to reason through the great truths of God's sovereignty, wisdom, and love as they are revealed to us in the scriptures. We must not allow our emotions to hold sway over our minds. Rather, we must seek to let the truth of God rule our minds. Our emotions must become subservient to the truth. This does not mean we do not feel the pain of adversity and heartache. We feel it keenly. We are meant to feel the pain of adversity, but we must resist allowing that pain to cause us to lapse into hard thoughts about God.

The lesson then, during periods when evidence suggests abandonment by God, is for the eventual advancement and strengthening of our faith. Despite our circumstances, even in spite of them, God is calling us to cling to the truth that He is actively working in our midst. He is present, and He is working for our good and His glory; no matter that we "feel" abandoned. We are not ever, ever, left to work through our difficulties alone ... never! "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) God gives us His Word to instill rigorous truth in our hearts and minds, His grace to sustain us, and His people to come alongside and comfort us. But, in our despair, we often mistakenly choose a path of solitude and pitiful self-reliance.

Reliance and self-reliance. Two very different animals. One will send us headlong into disaster ... but it is a most patient beast, this self-reliance. It will await the exact moment when it deems we are vulnerable in the extreme. But reliance on God is another matter entirely. Perhaps this is the true crux of the problem we face. Our God, who sent his Son to die for us, is present, active, and very much aware of our agonies. He waits, with the gentlest of mercies, for us to trust in Him and in His revealed character in Christ. He waits for us to look to Him for aid.

Yet in our pain, we strive. We manipulate. We self-medicate. We obliterate our lives and our souls by the exercising of our self-reliant schemes. Instead of laboring to set a problem aright by our own wisdom (limited at best) and strength (pitiful weakness really), God calls us to trust in Him, even in the midst of the direst, darkest pit. And God is willing, in His mercy, to allow such suffering to break our hearts to get us to this place of absolute, humblest trust in Him. "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead." (2 Corinthians 1:9) Again, we must look to God and trust Him.

It is interesting that as all our energies are focused on alleviating our pain, this single end frequently obsesses us, unable to accept the tangible mercies of powerful grace that God offers us. God stands ready to defend, protect, and heal our broken condition. Still we resist.

At our lowest ebb, when we do finally relinquish our rights and will, is our suffering miraculously erased once we humbly submit ourselves and our situation to God? No ... and yet in our relinquishment, our brokenness, God promises grace upon grace to sustain us until the pain is removed. God will carry us, if need be ... to the other side, to a place of safety and peace. Despite our notions to the contrary, it is only by trusting in God that we can enter a place of rest and contentment. A place where circumstances do not send us scurrying for cover or relief ... instead, we have courage, we have strength, resolve, and endurance for the task at hand. "I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me." (Psalm 57:2)

This trusting in God is a simply profound, yet clear matter. It requires our death and the enabling grace to believe even in times of shaky unbelief. In the end, we must bank upon God's unchanging character and know Him to be true to us, our situations, and our hopes for the future. During those dark days when I had no hope, and though my emotions were those of bleakest despair, I can testify to hearing that still small voice whisper to me in my confusion, "I will never leave you or forsake you."

Eventually, I chose to believe him. Writes Bridges, "Trust is a vigorous act of the soul by which we choose to lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us." Eventually, we must choose to either believe God at His Word or continue to stumble aimlessly along, purposeless and without hope until our season of sorrow passes.

Though no human sense can be made of many of life's trials, we can cling to a single objective -- that of choosing to obey God by trusting Him, thus honoring Him. If we can achieve this single objective, our losses count, our despair readies us for the next challenge, and we are more fully equipped comforters to those who suffer around us. Through our pain, we grow more accustomed to swiftly seeking God's mind, His grace, and His purpose. Only as we cling to Him can we truly be at rest; only as we choose to trust are we offering God the honor of which He is so worthy.

"All props are gone. I am in a situation where I can totally and completely throw myself upon God. He is the only one who can sustain me and He will sustain me. His love is my support, and His consolation my joy." (Larry Julian in God Is My Success)

Website: Syndicated Writers of America

Cozying Up to a Holy God

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Tue, 05 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0500

After the horrendous events on September 11th several years ago, I have seen flags proudly displayed on homes, businesses, and automobiles. I've observed patriotic apparel selling out in department stores. Pins, hats, socks, bumper stickers, music ... all strike a solemn, but proud note in hearts of Americans as they ring up their purchases. More encouraging than these patriotic overtures are all the professions of faith in God. Billboards sport verses quoted from the Bible and my heart says, "Yes!" Magazine and newspaper articles reveal a dynamic resurgence in faith across our country. No economic, social, or educational quarter in the United States remains untouched by these many and frequent declarations of belief.

Yet, there is a dark side to all this overt "religious coat-hanging." One evening, I drove past a men's adult night club whose florescent sign sported the words boldly and without shame, "In God We Trust." I could not believe my eyes. My stomach turned at the thought. Then righteous indignation took turns with outright anger in my heart. My thoughts screamed, "How dare such an establishment claim a trust in a Holy God? Their very existence relies on the opposite being true. From morning until evening, any number of the Ten Commandants is broken within the walls of their building. It is amazing that such arrogant disregard for obedience to God's Word can be so freely flaunted so casually!"

Do those who don't truly understand the sacrifice made by Jesus Christ on the Cross understand the price He paid on our behalf? Are we so naive as to think that becoming a disciple of Christ will require nothing on our parts?

I wonder how many Americans are overtly embracing the comfort of religion without the vaguest clue as to what God expects of those who call upon His name. Our Holy God demands just that -- holiness. We are standing on shaky ground when we presume God's hand of blessing without first seeking His forgiveness.

Just as Christ died for us, we are likewise commanded to lay down our lives for others. In the same way that Jesus denied Himself, we are commanded to always consider our brother with higher esteem than ourselves. It seems that far too often, even we Christians -- who supposedly understand and embrace Christ's forgiveness within our hearts -- live only overtly claiming His protection and power without sacrificing our desires, wants, and needs at His feet.

I confess that many times every day I ask God to bless our nation. I come before the Throne of Grace, begging God to forgive our nation for our many and flagrant sins against Him. For truly, when we envy, fight, kill, horde, turn a deaf ear, or simply become complacent ... we Christians are no better than the owners of the men's night club who claim an inside track with God via a cheap fluorescent sign.

The Bible says that our sins will find us out. I pray that each of us -- from our local communities, our states, our nation, and our world -- turns toward God in humility and contrition. Our hope is in God. Our trust should be in Him alone. But, let us not be content with a mere outward show of faith. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit finds a home within each of our hearts for eternity and that Christians become the hands and feet that will draw those without faith into the family. After all, we owe God everything.

If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT)

Website: Syndicated Writers of America

The Button Box

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Wed, 02 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0600

Depth not length, is important. Not how long you take to talk but how much you say. Not how flowery and eloquent you sound but how sincerely and succinctly you speak ... that's what is important ... that's what is remembered. Two memorable minutes can be more effective than two marathon hours. (Chuck Swindoll in The Quest for Character)

There were three constants in Grandma's house when I was a child. I could always count on Grandpa sitting at the kitchen table with a portable radio, earplug in place, as he listened to the Detroit Tigers baseball games. There were the puffy and sweet homemade sugar cookies filled with a moist raisin center. And then there was the button box ... an old cardboard box filled to the brim with every kind of button imaginable.

I remember seeing my Grandma cutting all the buttons off an old work shirt one afternoon. I asked her why she bothered since she already had so many in her box. Her eyes opened wide in disbelief and she said, "You never know if you might need just this size button." She then held up her most recently orphaned button. After that, I never questioned Grandma about her practical ways. She was just too nice.

Anyway, my brother and I had our own uses for that old box of buttons. Time and again, we'd visit and make our way to Grandma's small store of toys. This meager selection consisted of a partially rusted blue truck similar to the Tonka's of today; a box of Lincoln Logs (which I still can't master well enough to build a suitable log cabin); and several thick books filled with cherished stories about King Midas, The Water Babies, and a lonely little girl visiting a farm.

After we'd played out our imaginations, we'd begin to slowly meander around the house with something more dreadful than trouble on our minds ... boredom! I guess it was just instinctive, but Grandma always could tell the right moment to pull out the button box. She would call us out to the kitchen where Grandpa still sat, earplug in place; and we would start stringing buttons.

What fun we had making all kinds of different designs and sometimes fighting over a particularly unusual button. I can't remember ever going to my Grandparents' house without spending time stringing and re-stringing buttons. It seemed a shame to spill them all out once our string was full, but then again Grandma would remind us that the buttons weren't going anywhere and would be waiting for us the next time around.

Over fifteen years have passed since Grandma died, but every day I have a reminder of the simple joys of childhood inspired by this loving and creative lady. On my kitchen counter, in a glass jar, lovingly sits the same buttons waiting for some child to get bored and start stringing.

The memory of the righteous is blessed.

Website: Syndicated Writers of America

Women & Prayer: Power Outage

jhowe@toast.net (Michele Howe) — Sun, 13 Feb 2005 00:00:00 -0600

Limited Resources

Despite the best intentions, women who care about meeting the needs of others frequently find themselves struggling to keep pace with the demands made upon them. Any number of "shortages" can defuse even the most stalwart woman's determination to serve those she loves. Be it waning energy, financial issues, health concerns, or time crunches, every woman can discover hope amid even the most disheartening circumstances. As women take time to look upward, above, and beyond the trials, heavenly grace and strength will be both accessible and abundant.

Power Outage

Fifty-three-year-old Catherine Wilson blew out her breath hard in an unconscious attempt to expel the worries of the day. As a secretary to the superintendent of the local public school system, Catherine went home daily one tired lady. It's not that she didn't enjoy her work. Catherine was a whiz when it came to organization, so this job was a Godsend. She was a natural with people, too, which might be why so many of her elderly neighbors came knocking on Catherine's door whenever they had problems understanding a new prescription, Medicare information, or just simply banking account procedures.

After having been married for over twenty-seven years, Catherine just always assumed her husband would be around for the duration. She didn't count on an unexpected heart attack, which claimed his life and forever altered hers. But the unimaginable had happened and Catherine was left forging a new life for herself, by herself. The move into this new condominium complex for "older" adults was just the first in a series of life changes following her husband's death. Although Catherine didn't really qualify for senior status yet, she knew the time would arrive when she'd be grateful to have no more lawn care and home maintenance responsibilities. It was enough to keep up with her fast-paced position at school. Evenings were for taking care of chores, making dinner, exercising, and relaxing.

Lately though, in fact every night for the past week, Catherine's doorbell rang within the first hour she arrived home. How Catherine had earned the reputation of "mother superior" to all these truly elderly men and women who were her neighbors she couldn't fathom. It had started out with one innocent offer to act as go-between for the seventy-eight-year-old single lady with the beginnings of Parkinson's disease. All Catherine had done was to make a couple of telephone calls for her new friend. The word spread that Catherine alone understood the ins and outs of getting real answers to difficult medical questions.

Sitting back in her comfy sofa, Catherine sighed again. "I wonder who'll be knocking on my door tonight? I'd like just one evening here alone," Catherine thought wearily. "Still, these people have done something for me I never thought would happen again. I feel like I've got a family -- someone to come home to in the evenings. Maybe our friendships are somewhat lopsided; I do the advice giving and they do all the taking. But, I'm also certain I fall far short of the gratefulness extended to me each and every time I make the effort to serve."

In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35)

Dear Lord, today I learned something. I've been focusing on keeping so busy I won't notice how alone I feel and I've been wrong. No two ways about it. I can't run away from my hurt. I want to keep everyone at bay -- push people away from me. Instead, I've been placed in a position where I don't have the choice to say no. Tired as I am, you're still forcing me to get out, move on, and heal inside. Should I be thanking you, Lord? I'm so emotionally worn out I don't want to get too close again. It just hurts too much. Then I look around and see the wrinkled brows, the stooped shoulders, and I realize I'm not the only one carrying a burden. Mine's just internal.

Lord, help me to give even when I don't have it within me to do so. Provide me with that greater measure of compassion I've been running from. I need your touch of grace and your ongoing strength to work through me. In the quietness of my heart, I hear you. Please help me do what is right. We all long for what you alone can offer. Let me be your conduit of tender love today. Amen.

This article is copyrighted and cannot be reprinted without the written permission of the author. It is from Michelle Howe's book, Prayers to Nourish a Woman's Heart and is presented here to expose you to her work. We hope to carry an article on women and prayer by Michelle each month and share more content from her books and articles to bless your life and give you another good resource as you live for Jesus. For more information on her book click here.

Website: Syndicated Writers of America