Articles by Courtney Loy at Heartlight

Divorce in all its Realism

courtney@hopeforlife.org (Courtney Loy) — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500

You and your spouse have been fighting for a long time and someone brings up the “D” word. It’s not the first time, but, this time is real. Your marriage, once composed of a household of two people in love, has now become a hostile ground where two roommates co-exist. You started living as one—but now you feel more alone than ever. You may be in shock; you may feel a twinge of relief. Deep down, you probably are scared. Is divorce the right decision?

The act of breaking a marriage contract may seem fairly easy, but it’s never easy, never painless. Have you and your spouse made real efforts to mend the marriage? If you have children together, you will never truly separate from your spouse. You still will have to make decisions together, problem-solve together, and probably even see each other. If nothing else, you’ll see your spouse alive in your child.

Can children get through divorce? I was once a possible child of divorce. My parents separated when I was a freshman at college, about 300 miles away from home. Was it easier for me, being older and at a distance? I doubt it. That period was one of the darkest, if not the darkest, of my life. There’s something about your parents not being together that crushes you. But my parent’s story is a success story. They went to counseling, worked on their marriage, and decided not to divorce and instead, renewed their vows. I can honestly say that their marriage from then on has been better than ever before.

I can’t guarantee, however, that by staying together you and your spouse will have better times ahead. I can tell you that miracles are possible. At one point, I gave up on my parents, but to my benefit, I was proven wrong! Don’t think anything is too big for God. You can’t control the decisions and actions of your spouse, but you can control your own. Meditate on the realities of divorce, and if you want a miracle, know that God is capable of making one and he can do it through you -- if you seek him and let him soften your heart.

God bless you,

Courtney Loy

courtney@hopeforlife.org

(Expressed written consent must be obtained prior to republishing, retransmitting or otherwise reusing the content of this article. Contact us at info@hopeforlife.org)

Courtney Loy practices marriage and family therapy and writes frequently for Hope for Life, an outreach of Herald of Truth Ministries. You can reach her by writing to courtney@hopeforelife.org.

Website: Hope For Life

Life on Edge

courtney@hopeforlife.org (Courtney Loy) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Living life on edge—that is, under constant pressure, fear, or nervousness—is no way of living. I’m talking about anxiety, a sensation that can be good at times but cruel over time.

When is anxiety helpful? Under stress, our anxiety grows. This heightened state helps us meet deadlines or escape dangerous situations. In short, it helps us get things done and in healthy measures, gives us energy. When anxiety becomes exhausting and debilitating, we know it’s not our partner—but our archenemy.

How do we return anxiety to its proper place in this partnership? If our anxiety is about some upcoming event, we can do our best to prepare for it. We study, practice, and rehearse, and when we feel sufficiently prepared, we give the rest of our worry to God. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Some of us get anxious about “what ifs.” What if my car breaks down? What if someone kidnaps my child? What if terrorists strike our nation? Understandably, there are many things we can worry about. Take heart in something Winston Churchill said: “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” We can poison our lives by worrying, or we can live in the moment and know that God will take care of us, whatever happens.

To combat anxiety, we can (1) relax, (2) exercise, (3) avoid stimulants, (4) refuse to numb anxiety by drinking alcohol or taking drugs which will, in the end, give us something else to worry about, (5) commit to good eating habits and sleeping schedules, (6) find humor in our day, and (7) not take life too seriously.

Let’s commit today not to live the rest of our lives on the edge. Instead, let us do what 1 Peter 5:7 tells us and know that God will take care of us. This way is the only way to really live.

God bless you,
Courtney Loy
courtney@hopeforlife.org

Expressed written consent must be obtained prior to republishing, retransmitting or otherwise reusing the content of this article. Contact us at info@hopeforlife.org

Courtney Loy practices marriage and family therapy and writes frequently for Hope for Life, an outreach of Herald of Truth Ministries. You can reach her by writing to courtney@hopeforelife.org.

Website: Hope For Life

Money Really Doesn�t Grow on Trees

courtney@hopeforlife.org (Courtney Loy) — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Money really doesn’t grow on trees -- and some of us are growing more aware of this fact every day. Truthfully, most people deal with financial stress sometime or even all the time. The desire for more money is the same for young adults, families, and retirees alike. It’s at least partly the reason so many of us are barely making ends meet or struggling to get out of debt. Money issues can cause not only stress -- but real strife. Money, whether we love it or hate it, can have power over our happiness and our lives.

Undoubtedly, financial stress can be due to causes beyond our reach. Emergencies happen. Disasters strike. Cars break down. Companies downsize. Pregnancies come at inopportune times. Recent graduates deal with tough job markets. But to do your part, first, challenge the way you live. Are you living in a nice house, driving a fancy car, wearing designer clothes, and frequently eating out? None of these may be bad in and of themselves, but when you can barely make your electricity payment, something needs to change.

After you have made some changes, big and small, go further and examine why you got to where you were. Are you enslaved to the desire of always wanting more and better? Does the amount or value of what you possess determine whether you define yourself as successful or not? If it does, don’t be ashamed; this is what our culture tells us to believe! Challenge this way of thinking because this is not consistent with God’s definition of success. (Read Luke 12:15).

If you are having a hard time finding contentment with things, focus on the other things in your life -- things that money can’t buy -- such as your beautiful spouse, your energetic child, your great friendships, your amazing talents, your good health ... We all are blessed if we think about it!

Whether you’re rich or poor, make sure you are serving God and don’t worry that money doesn’t grow on trees. Remember that God is the one that made trees in the first place -- and he’s everlasting.

God bless you,
Courtney Loy
courtney@hopeforlife.org

Expressed written consent must be obtained prior to republishing, retransmitting or otherwise reusing the content of this article. Contact us at info@hopeforlife.org

Courtney Loy practices marriage and family therapy and writes frequently for Hope for Life, an outreach of Herald of Truth Ministries. You can reach her by writing to courtney@hopeforelife.org.

Website: Hope For Life

Eye of the Tiger

courtney@hopeforlife.org (Courtney Loy) — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0500

When I think of living courageously -- taking risks, being challenged, trying the unknown -- a few songs come to mind. One song, well known to Rocky fans at least, is "Eye of the Tiger" by American rock group Survivor. Not that I want to fight when I hear it, but its words move me to show some courage.

In particular, the words that stick out to me are part of the chorus: "Risin' up, straight to the top, have the guts, got the glory." When I think of going far in life, I think of "getting the glory." But to do that, we have to "have the guts."

What would it mean for us to live courageously? On the flip side, let's consider living without courage. Such a life is best described as "safe" if not "boring." Few risks are taken so as not to lose what one has, but by living this way, what one has isn't much—at least, not as much as it could be. Not that I always live courageously. But I can remember several times taking a brave leap and finding much happiness afterwards.

What are acts of courage? I don't mean acts like bungee jumping or skiing double black diamonds, although these do involve a great degree of bravery. In my mind, acts of courage are things like speaking up when we see something wrong, moving to a new city, or trying to have a baby after a miscarriage. It is these types of risk-taking (if not soul-wrenching) acts that truly resemble acts of courage.

If we're afraid to do these sorts of acts because of a threatening co-worker, a heavily populated city, or a frowning relative, we can read Psalm 27:1 which says, "The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?" If God is most important to us, then the only relationship we don't want to risk ruining is our relationship with Him.

In Romans 8:37, we are called "conquerors." Label yourself as a "conqueror" today and see what you do. Make "Eye of the Tiger" your theme song and see what risks you take. Now I say, even sing, "Rise up—straight to the top. Have the guts—and get the glory."

God bless you,

Courtney Loy

courtney@hopeforlife.org

(Expressed written consent must be obtained prior to republishing, retransmitting or otherwise reusing the content of this article. Contact us at info@hopeforlife.org)

Courtney Loy practices marriage and family therapy and writes frequently for Hope for Life, an outreach of Herald of Truth Ministries. You can reach her by writing to courtney@hopeforelife.org.

Website: Hope For Life

If Life Were as Sweet as a Krispy Kreme Doughnut

courtney@hopeforlife.org (Courtney Loy) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0500

If you could use a type of food to describe your life, what would it be? Would it be sort of like white bread—plain but predictable? Or maybe something like a hard chicken bone—like you’ve gotten a raw deal out of life? Would anyone dare to say that their life is as sweet and delicious as a warm, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut?

I think God’s intentions for our life is to be something sweet and wonderful, but that doesn’t mean that bad times aren’t going to happen. It’s how we view those bad times that makes the difference. Consider the power of attitude, the idea that how we choose to view life impacts the quality of it.

Begin by examining your expectations for the day. When you wake up in the morning do you clap your hands and recite Psalm 118:24: “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!”? Or do you stay in bed, constantly hitting the snooze button, dreading the morning’s invitation to wake up? We are all better off starting the day with a cheerful spirit.

Once awake, do you continually worry about what’s going to happen during the course of the day and expect the worse? Or do you decide to deal with what the day brings—when it comes? I can almost guarantee that whatever you expect will come true.

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? It’s your choice. To concentrate on the good, make a list of everything you’re thankful for. Think back to a hard time in the past, how you got through it, and how it made you stronger. Do something good for someone in need. List things you look forward to. Focus on the things that really matter in life. Fill your life with things that make you laugh. Surround yourself with happy people. Find hope in God’s Word.

Whatever life brings your way, you can always find goodness in God—in His unfailing love and mercy. Spend your day basking in Him, and you will find something to smile about. Then, and only then, can life be sweeter than a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

If you want to know more, contact me at courtney@hopeforlife.org!

(Expressed written consent must be obtained prior to republishing, retransmitting or otherwise reusing the content of this article. Contact us at info@hopeforlife.org)

Courtney Loy practices marriage and family therapy and writes frequently for Hope for Life, an outreach of Herald of Truth Ministries. You can reach her by writing to courtney@hopeforelife.org.

Website: Hope For Life