Articles by Tammy Marcelain at Heartlight

Just a Breath

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0600

Peace. Many seek peace.

I talked with my sister today and she told me she was in the middle of a breakdown. She is struggling with some health issues right now, including shingles, and she locked her keys in her running car. A simple text message to her this morning, "Yo what's up sis?" found her in the midst of crisis.

What is it that she lacks in her life?

I know, because I have stood right where she is standing. She doesn't have a relationship with Jesus. She is struggling right now to find where He fits in her life. Today I say, "Just cover me up with Him, there is no place for Him not to fit." But, my heart aches for her as I know just how she feels and struggles to reconcile life and the pain that comes with it. Life is overwhelming when we don't have Jesus. And even if we do, we can often be overwhelmed because our eyes have been distracted to earthly needs and desires.

As I write this, I continue to breathe prayers to Jesus on her behalf. Will it be today that she lifts her eyes to Him and says, "I am done trying to do it on my own, I need you O Lord. Save me from myself."?

God's will for our lives is not that we be perfect, not that we come to him without sin. He made us. He knew the messes we would make. He knew the weaknesses we have. He chose to create us so we would need him.

Some of us have to travel every other road but him before we find the only path that leads us Home. Satan knows just what to put in the middle of those other roads to draw us away from God nearer to himself. He wants us to just take a look, and meander on a bit. But, once the dirt has touched our shoes, we might not even notice just how far down the road we have travelled until we are afraid that there is no turning back.

What is it that leads us to believe that there is a roadblock that won't allow us to turn around and come back to God? Is it the roadblock of shame or pride? Those roadblocks might look like they are made of stone and impossible to get around, but that is an illusion. They are paper thin. In fact, our breath could blow the road block away. And it does just that when we get down on our knees, and ask God to lead the way. With the breath of a prayer, asking for God's help, that roadblock that looked like a fortress is gone in an instant.

Nothing is impossible with God -- not even finding our way home to him from the twisted, tangled roads we have traveled. Remember the story of the prodigal son?

[Jesus is speaking] "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate" (Luke 15:21-24 TNIV).

I have never seen God work more powerfully in my life, than when it came to turning away from sin. It was then, that the Father gave me a path to follow that would lead me right back to Him. He can do that for you ... and for my sis. A morning that is full of crisis can lead to a life that is filled with the only true peace, the peace of knowing Jesus as our Savior. It begins with a breath. We can breathe that prayer, watch the road blocks fall, and trust our Father to bring us home.

I lift up my eyes to the hills -- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth (Psalm 121:1-2 NIV).

Tammy Marcelain is part of The Coffee Group. For many years Tammy walked away from the Lord and through His love and grace she has come home to His loving hands. Tammy's son jack was diagnosed with a brain tumor in April of 2005. Her life shows how to hold onto the Lord and live through His grace in hard times.

Website: Tammy's Blog

God Never Stops Calling

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500

I was reading a blog post that was forwarded to me from a friend. (I couldn't make the link work.) The post was written by a mom who had left her pursuit of faith behind years ago. Now she has a child who has never gone to church or been around a community of faith, and she was feeling guilty. My friend said that it was a reading that had stuck with her. It has been on my heart as well.

I believe that there are people all around us that feel the way this mom does. They are searching for a relationship with Jesus. They want to come back home, but when they walk into a church building, they are put off by all the barriers. They have to learn all the rules. They need to know the traditions. They really should get working in some of the church programs. They're asked to go to pot luck luncheons to meet folks. They are signed up for committees to help minister to outsiders. They are nudged to be involved in ... and the list goes on.

But the truth is, they can't find Jesus! And without Jesus, they can't find their way home to God. So where does all their searching often lead them? To a group of good people, doing good things, and trying to help each other along. But they can't seem to find Jesus.

In that situation, Jesus gets lost in all the details. Of course He is in the heart of His believers, but the seekers from the outside can't seem to find Him there. I know I could not find Jesus in someone else's actions. I did not find Him from the words spoken from the pulpit, as inspirational as they can be. I could not find a personal relationship with my Savior through anyone else. I had to seek Him ... not the stuff that claimed to be about Him. And I found that He was waiting for me all along. He was right by my side through the ugly and not so ugly.

I decided I wanted God; but not knowing where to find Him, I started looking for Him in all those churchy places. I sang worship songs, but the words felt empty. After all, I wasn't going to submit my life to anyone. I was in charge of me. I took communion to remember the crucifixion and resurrection, but Jesus had died a long time ago. The current sin I was in really didn't seem to matter in my mind -- after all, how does someone have fun if they don't party? For some strange reason, I never found the connection between God's call to my heart and the call to change my behavior. I only opened my eyes to the shiny surface of my life, but it was completely empty below the shiny surface.

But there came a point in my journey when I realized that God would not settle for only a part of my life. He wanted more than two hours of my time on Sunday morning. I had been taught about pride, rights, looking out for number one, and pulling myself up by my own boot straps. I really lived each of these, but my heart ached. So when did my heart really connect to Jesus? It was only when I realized that I was not the god of my own life. It was only when I realized that finding Jesus was not going to be on my terms, but His.

That connection happened on the floor of my bedroom, down on my knees, pleading for God to be my God. It began with me asking Him to help me find Him. I would seek Him every day of my life. I would read His Word. I would try to live a life that glorified Him and not me. And only then, when I gave Him all of me, did my heart meet His.

A year later, I went back home to Arizona because a friend of mine was getting married. I was staying at a friend's home. One of my friend's roommates questioned me about my new found Christianity. Their biggest problems with Christianity were the rules. There were so many of them, following them seemed impossible. Why even try?

As a relatively new Christian at the time, I didn't have the best answer. But, I think I responded that it just felt right when nothing else did. I told them that the rules they were talking about also left me empty. If I were to try to follow a dot-to-dot, color-by-numbers Christianity, I'd be in a place a lot like my life before: far away from God. But with Jesus as the focus, there is nothing to earn; His grace fills in when I fall short. He brings me into the presence of God.

When I turned my heart to God, I told them, the rest just fell into place. The sins dropped off, one-by-one. What felt right before, just didn't feel right anymore with God at the center of my life. I grew a lot through church and the fellowship of believers, but when I met Christ for the first time, it was just Him and me ... alone in my room ... no pride left ... only humility and a seeking heart.

God tells us in Scripture to seek Him with all of our heart and we will find Him. And I did! But only when I realized that He would not settle for my leftovers; he wanted all of me. Just as my husband won't settle for my leftovers, God wants my whole heart.

I feel blessed that I have a relationship with Jesus, but the seeking never ends. He calls me to pursue Him every day. When I do, I have the peace of heart that I could never have even imagined twenty years ago. The story above is from when I was in my early twenties, now I am knocking on the door of my forties. However, those moments long ago are still vivid in my memory today.

God never stops calling us. He calls to us whether we just communed with Him, or if he was a long lost friend with whom we haven't spoken in years. So open your ears and hear him calling. Lift your eyes and behold His glory. He longs to have you close and have your life changed because you have been changed by being in His presence.

Website: Tammy's Blog

A Soul Called Leslie

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it! (Hebrews 13:2 NLT)

This week I was talking to my friend Evette. She doesn't read my blog, but friends from church know her, and I am sure she won't mind me retelling her story. She inspired me.

First of all, let me tell you about a soul called Leslie. The first time I saw Leslie, 7-8 years ago, he was standing in the back of my church wearing a tight teal blue dress, 3" red heels, make up, bright red lipstick, his hair was -- and still is -- long, and he was carrying a gold purse.

He just stood there just as plain as day looking for a seat. My family sits on the back row and my twins were infants at the time, so I can't say that my whole attention was on this visitor, but he certainly caught my attention.

Several people went up to Leslie and visited with him. I am assuming someone asked him to sit with them. He came back to church while he was in Abilene several times, maybe off and on for several months, but one day he decided it was time to move on. There were several people who tried to reach out a helping hand to Leslie -- food, money and even some men's clothing, although he was not interested in the latter.

Leslie found his way to Austin. That is where he lives now. And that is where my story for today really starts. My friend, Evette, told me she was in Austin for a teacher's conference. She knew that Leslie hung out on 6th street, so she went looking for him. She had been one of the people who had befriended Leslie in Abilene.

Evette asked several people if they knew where Leslie could be found. One woman said to her, "Why would you want to find him?"

Evette said as plain as day, and very convicted, "He is my friend."

She eventually found Leslie and visited with him on the street. She asked him if he remembered her, and he said, "Yes, you are Evette, from Abilene."

Leslie works the streets. He is addicted and looks gaunt and thin. His hair is thinning. The clothes he was wearing were women's under garments and he was on the street. People that walked by knew the person he was -- his character, his life -- but my friend, Evette, talked with him as though he was a long lost friend and she was proud to know him.

I told Evette, "God bless you. I am not sure that I would have sought out Leslie." Later on, upon further reflection, I realized I would never have sought out Leslie. If I would have seen Leslie in his street attire, I probably would have avoided him -- put my eyes down and never looked up. This is a sad and sorry confession, but I would have let my fear of the unknown keep me from loving and engaging the soul called Leslie.

God forgive me! Help me see your children with your eyes. Help me love with your compassion. Help my heart break for those whom you love that are lost, even when it gets messy. God bless Evette. May she continue to love with your love and inspire me -- and others -- to get out of our comfort zones and love those we don't understand.

God loves Leslie, and so must we. There will be Leslie's in all of our lives -- people that make us uncomfortable, people that don't fit our mold, people that are obnoxious and arrogant, people that hurt our feelings -- but those are our Leslie's. God loves us in our worst moments, how can we withhold that love from others?

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. ... But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. ... For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. (Romans 5:6-10 NRS emphasis added)

Website: Tammy's Blog

I Got God!

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0600

Special Note: Tammy has been very open about sharing her son's journey in his battle with a brain tumor and the challenges involved with doctors, chemotherapy, radiation, and faith -- see the links at the bottom of this page. She is part of The Coffee Group.

Jack and I were sitting on the couch the other night. We were watching our favorite show, Deal or No Deal. This show drives me crazy. When I say "our favorite show," I mean my kids' favorite show. I just enjoy being a part of their excitement and listening to their advice for the contestants. My oldest son, Derek, is always pushing for the contestant to open one more suitcase. Jack and I are both saying take the money and go home. My daughter, Sophie, doesn't give her two cents very often.

Jack was playing his Game Boy at the same time we were watching the TV. He was sitting right next to me. The commercial for H & R Block came on the television. You've probably seen them. The punch line is, "I got people." You hear it a half a dozen times during the commercial.

At the end of the commercial, Jack, with his nose in his Game Boy, says, "I got mama." Tears, tears and more tears streamed down my face. I said, "Yes, you do Jack."

My meager human heart was swollen with emotion with those three words: "I got mama." I love Jack so much. Even now, to write those words makes me cry.

What must God feel when things are hard for us and we say in no uncertain terms, with no waiver in our voice, "I got God."

There was no waiver in Jack's voice when he said, "I got mama." Jack knows I can not fix his brain tumor, but I am by his side ALL the way ... and God is at our side ALL the way.

I don't know God's plans for Jack. I pray for healing, but I don't know if that is in God's big scheme of things. However, no matter which case gets opened, there is peace and confidence in knowing, "I GOT GOD!"

God has said,
"I will never fail you. I will never forsake you"
(Hebrews 13:5 NLT).

Website: Tammy's Blog

Fighting the Silent Disease

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0600

But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT).

What is a cancer? My definition: A cancer is something that is foreign to the place where it lives. A cancer can spread and invade other places in your body or in your life. There is the cancer that we all know -- abnormal cells that reproduce in our body causing our normal cells trouble. There is also the cancer of sin. Sin that finds its way into our thoughts and that spreads through our heart.

Lance Armstrong is featured in a recent television commercial on cancer. He speaks of how cancer made him stronger. I connected with his words, because that is what the Lord did for me through my son's battle with a brain tumor, a benign cancer. Jack was five at the time of diagnosis. He is now seven, and we continue to work through struggles with his continued health.

Through the months of chemotherapy, I sat right next to Jack in a large room filled with men, women, and children being treated for cancer. There was a common feeling in the room, "I will do all I can to keep the cancer from taking over my body. I will not lie down quietly while my body dies a quiet death. I will fight for my life and I will not give up. Lord help me."

The sense of accomplishment when those words come true cannot even be described. It is like falling over a cliff, grabbing on to a lone branch, and climbing back up to the top. The Lord is mightily by your side, creating that branch that you grabbed, making foot holds in the cliff gently with His fingertip, and giving us the avenues to climb. However, the steps must be taken by us. We must reach out for that branch. We must look for the next place to put our feet. We must climb toward the top, trusting even in times of uncertainty.

Once that mountaintop is reached, there is a feeling of beating death, a strength has been tapped into that likely we did not even know existed. The future is filled with more intentional actions, focusing on what is important. The little things that once ruined our day are now just inconveniences. There is an urgency to share the Gospel and a boldness that was not there before.

What happens if a Christian doesn't make it to the top of that cliff?

I have to believe that our Lord has counted our days and that was the day that our work on earth was to be done. And when we are done, we are delivered into Jesus' arms -- a place we all hope and pray to reside for eternity.

And for those left on earth to live another day, we continue to strive to run the race and persevere with a renewed spirit.

The cancer of sin can leave us even more helpless than physical cancer. God will give you a branch to grasp, a foothold to climb, and an avenue of escape. With a spiritual cancer, we must use God's word rather than chemo. Praise and worship are the shot in the arm to raise our spirits. The avenues of escape are there, so dig in your heels, let God help you, and resolve to fight against Satan's influence in your life.

When you get to the top of that mountain, the feeling is much the same as it is with defeating physical cancer. You have an urgency to share the Gospel. You are more intentional about using your life for important things. You are committed to not letting the cancer take hold again.

Cancer is called the silent disease because it often grows in us without our awareness. I believe that sin can be even more silent than physical cancer. There is no test a doctor can do to detect it, but the Holy Spirit will always know the state of our spirit. His job is to convict us (John 16:7-8) and to empower us (Ephesians 3:14-21; 1 John 4:4). So pray for God to open your eyes to the silent killer in your life, then start looking for the branch, the foothold, and the avenue! If you look closely, the top is in site!

Website: Tammy's Blog

The Real Tragedy

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0600

We're back in Abilene. I'm glad to be home. Jack did extremely well during his MRI last evening. Never moved an inch! We felt your prayers each step of the way. This morning we had his clinic visit and were able to talk with Jack's oncologist, his neurosurgeon whom we haven't seen in over a year, and a new neurologist that we hadn't met until today. It was one stop shopping! We just sat in a room, and one after another, the doctors came to see us.

The report of the MRI was that there seemed to be a small bit of growth on one of the areas they were watching. They measured it for us and it was exactly 2 millimeters larger than the last time they measured it. The many doctors on the team, including those listed above and a couple more, have looked at Jack's scans and felt it necessary to move his next MRI up one month to the first of January then re-scan and see what the results look like. If those results are in line with the results from last nights MRI, then Jack will be starting a new treatment. Most likely a different form of chemo, but no specifics were talked about today. Dr. Price, Jack's neurosurgeon, said that every time there is any change and additional treatments are needed, it is always between chemo, radiation, or surgery. The team involved looks at all the pros and cons and decides what is the next step.

The area that is growing is on Jack's brain stem. It is on the outside, so many options are ahead of us. When Jack had his resection surgery in April of 2005, this is the area that Dr. Price tried to get at. She removed a baseball-sized tumor leaving only this little minuscule area we deal with now. Jack's body would not tolerate the last bit being removed as it was interwoven inside his brain stem.

You might wonder why they don't start treatment right now. Dr. Bowers said that the area of growth is so small that there is no immediate necessity of treatment until they can confirm with Jack's next MRI that there is consistent growth. They want to make sure that Jack doesn't needlessly get put through another round of something unless it is necessary. The chemo and radiation bring with it risks of future cancers being developed because of the treatment, so treatment options are not taken lightly.

We have an awesome team of pediatric doctors who are at the top of their profession and not one felt like this was life threatening for Jack at this point. We are very lucky that this is benign and not malignant.

I was thinking on the way home just how I felt about this. Was I going to worry about it? No.

Then I thought that this really is just more of an inconvenience than it is a tragedy. And then the Lord convicted me this is not an inconvenience. There is road to walk, people to meet, smile's to share, and, most of all, Jesus to be shared with others walking down their own tough roads. This is not an inconvenience, it is an opportunity to live life to the fullest and share the Lord. Thank you, Jesus.

The tragedy of life and of the world is not that men do not know God; the tragedy is that, knowing Him, they still insist on going their own way. (William Barclay)

Website: Tammy's Blog

Be Like the Dumpster

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

I live in a town founded in the late 1800's. The downtown area is full of character. The buildings are old and sometimes even a bit crumbly. Tucked away in this area is an object that always catches my eye. It is a big ugly dumpster with the word, "GRACE" hand painted on it.

In the same area, the walls of the old buildings have sometimes been covered in graffiti. The graffiti doesn't stay around too long before someone covers it with a fresh coat of paint. However, I appreciate that the word "GRACE" written on the dumpster has never been painted over. It stands as a powerful reminder of God's work in my life.

In the middle of tall buildings and the daily hustle of life, a small word is painted on an ugly dumpster just waiting to be noticed ... a small word with awesome implications -- "GRACE"!

In the past, I have been like those graffiti scarred and crumbly walls with ugly words written all over me. I just was waiting for a fresh coat of paint to make me look pretty again so I could cover up the ugliness I saw. All the while, I knew deep down inside, I was only a wall, with several layers of paint covering up the ugliness of sin.

Instead of painting over sin, now I choose to be like the dumpster -- the place where God has written out His "GRACE." I learned through God's grace, that shame happens when we try to cover over the sin in our life. Satan lures us to sin. When we do sin, he rubs our noses in it and shames us to humiliation.

Satan's shame is different than the Lord's conviction of our hearts when we sin. God wishes to make us clean -- to take a broken heart and make it new. Only Jesus can cleanse us of our sins. No quick touch up job will do the trick. Because of God's grace in Jesus, we can humble ourselves before Him, confess our ugly sins, ask forgiveness, turn away from the sins we have committed, and he will empty our trash for us, cleanse our hearts, and cover us with His "GRACE."

Humility, confession, forgiveness and repentance ... those words can sound impossible, especially if we have chosen sin for a long time. Sin has a way of blinding us so that we can't find our way out of it.

Fifteen-years ago, I felt bound by the sin I had chosen in my life, I was lost and felt very alone. If I had considered those words -- humility, confession, forgiveness, and repentance -- at that time in my life, I would have been overwhelmed. I am not sure I even knew what they all meant. The words I remembered uttering in desperation were, "God please help me, forgive me for what I have done." When I lifted my teary eyes to Him, He gave me His hope and He helped me see His grace, which was there all along.

I learned that God always gives us a way out of sin. God's grace over my life made that hope possible. God can take the simplest of prayers and a willing heart and make a modern day miracle.

I bet you know someone like me, or maybe you and I share a bit in common. Maybe you are looking for a way out of sin. I have the secret: be like the dumpster. Allow God's grace to be the miracle in your life. Let Him write His loving grace on your life and bring you closer to His hope.

He is waiting ... just for you!

Once you were dead, doomed forever because of your many sins. You used to live just like the rest of the world, full of sin, obeying Satan, the mighty prince of the power of the air. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way ...

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's special favor ["GRACE"] that you have been saved!) ... God saved you by his special favor ["GRACE"] when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:1-10 NLT)

Tammy Marcelain is part of the The Coffee Group. Find out more by visiting http://www.thecoffeegroup.net

Website: Tammy's Blog

The End of One Chapter

marcelain5@sbcglobal.net (Tammy Marcelain) — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500

We have arrived at the end of Jack's first chemotherapy protocol. (Jack is my seven-year-old son.) Carrying a cake, we entered the chemo wing for our last treatment of this medicine. Waiting for us was ice cream and party favors. The chemo wing was ready for a party.

After a little hiccup due to Jack's low immune system counts, his last treatment was given. Celebrate with us ... we are done with this protocol.

The other end of the spectrum ... a new family came to chemo today. Their four-month-old son had a tumor removed from his kidney. The doctors believe they removed all of the tumor, but prescribed chemo to make sure any rogue tumor cells are "killed off."

This poor mama and her husband, along with their precious baby, walked into the craziness of the chemo wing today, party and all. After they were introduced to everyone, they found their seats and waited for their son. I looked over at the mom. She was looking around the room at all the children hooked up to chemo while they were playing and smiling. Her eyes were filled with tears. She was overwhelmed by what she was seeing and with all that the last couple of weeks had involved. One day you take your baby to the doctor for his four-month check up. The next day you are in a big hospital and your baby is being wheeled into surgery. Suddenly you have entered a community that you never knew existed.

I looked into her eyes and said, "This is all pretty new to you, isn't it?" And she just started crying. I talked with her about how afraid I was in the beginning, and how I felt. Then I shared all the blessings of friends and how God can bring good from anything. I started crying too. She was crying because she was entering this community and I was crying because we were leaving it.

I want to cry out to the world, "If you only knew how broken my heart was ... how I was afraid and angry ... how someone who chose sin for so many years can have a cup that runs over with joy, the desire to abide in God's Word, tears that are counted by God, and an assurance of eternal life in heaven. You can have this! God is waiting to bless you! Lift your eyes and behold the King of Glory, your Creator, the Lover of your soul. Give Him your heart and you will never be sorry."

I praise you Lord, for turning our mourning into dancing; for the filling of your Spirit to live beyond myself and in You.

I cry out to the Lord in praise, not because our treatments are done, but because of his faithfulness in every moment of every day of our journey of chemo, and each day before and after. He absolutely thrills me. Glory!

We find out in a couple of weeks if Jack's brain tumor is gone or if continued treatment is needed. For now, I enjoy the party and the Father and knowing I don't journey alone.

Editor's Note: The couple of weeks have passed. Jack had his latest check up. No more treatments or tests for at least three months. Please pray that his tumors will not reappear or return!

Website: Tammy's Blog