Editor's Introduction: God does not like divorce. He intended marriage to be a place of love, joy, family, support, protection, grace, growth, home, and permanence. Unfortunately we come across situations where “home” is a terrifying and destructive place, a place of violence, fear, and conflict. While we never want divorce to be the final answer, neither do we want death to be the outcome. In a small town just north of where I live, last night in a quiet neighborhood, a woman was stabbed 20 times and her three-year-old child stabbed to death in a rage of domestic violence. This first homicide of the year for this quiet and conservative community shook them to their core. As believers, we want every Christian home to be “Home Sweet Home.” Sometimes that means we must get some help to deal with our marriage and family problems. Other times it means we must intervene and offer support and protection until violent situations can be addressed and people can be mended. In those times we are called to welcome in those who need protection and grace until their lives can be rebuilt and home sweet home can be found. The following is a brief story about such a place of transition and the kind of lives that they touch.

Home Sweet Home by Elna Vanderberg

    The boy was hurt, angry and confused. At least when they were staying at a friend’s house there was still hope they might go back home. But this place! How on earth could his mother bring them here? How could she expect the three of them to live in one room together? And, how could she expect them to live with all the other people?

    Back home, Robbie (not his real name) had left his toys, his Playstation, his own room, not to mention his friends. “Why did Mom have to make such a big deal about Dad? This has to be her fault, just like Dad always said. After all, he didn’t beat up on us kids the way he did her. Why couldn’t she just put up with him?”

    In the back of the car, Robbie’s little sister plays with her doll, seemingly oblivious to her surroundings. At least she doesn’t seem to be affected by all these changes. Driving up to the campus that would be their place of residence for awhile, he was at a breaking point. With all the venom he could muster, Robbie spat out, “I hate this place... and I hate you!”

    Angela was Robbie’s mother. She was raised in a conservative home by a subservient mother and an authoritarian father. When Bob came along in her life, he seemed able to read her mind. He was charming and delightful, unlike anyone she had ever met. He knew just what she liked, and if she didn’t, he told her! It was so nice to have someone “take control” the way he did.

After they were married, he seemed to change.

    The only shadows on Angela’s horizon were Bob’s occasional bouts of jealousy. Bob always explained that it was because he loved her so much. She remembered the time when, in a jealous rage, he burned his hand, on purpose, with a cigarette. (Later it was her body that would be burned.)

    After they were married, he seemed to change. It was as though she suddenly was not a person anymore. She became his property—with no mind or rights of her own, and given privileges every now and then when she was good.

    When Angela thought about leaving, fear and guilt overwhelmed her. What if he carried out the veiled threats to hurt her parents or take the children away? And, would God still love her? After all, she had been taught that divorce was a sin. She loved God. She wanted to be a good example to the children. In addition, Angela was not in a position to provide for the children. She had not worked since Robbie was born. Besides, there were times when Bob could be really charming. He was not abusive all the time. Maybe she needed to “forgive and forget.” Maybe he was right, she just needed to try harder at being more submissive.

    As time passed, Angela tried again and again to be the kind of wife Bob wanted. Nothing worked! It was when she saw the effect on the two children that she finally got up the courage to ask for help. A friend told her about our organization: Open Arms Home, a long-term program for battered women and their children. She left with almost nothing but hope for their future!

    After being accepted into the program, Angela tested for job training and was admitted for computer training courses. She knew young Robbie was angry. The Open Arms Home staff told her to expect it. Even so, she was taken aback at how much like his father he looked and sounded... His dad had really made an impression on him. But after a month at the campus, Robbie settled down. His mother would hear him laughing out loud, a sound she had not heard in a long time. She even heard herself laugh. It was a relief to learn that God’s grace was indeed “sufficient” to her too. You see, God’s plan for her never included abuse. Robbie was in counseling as well. He was learning to deal with his anger. He no longer hit and hurt the kids at school when he got frustrated. Other children started liking him again.

    Robbie has a different feeling about things now. His stomach does not knot up anymore whenever anyone talks about home. He actually looks forward to getting back to the campus and the other children. It was just days ago, that Robbie came in from school smelling hot and sweet like a new puppy. Dropping his backpack onto the bed, he sighed, “Home, sweet home!”

Elna Vanderberg, M.Min., is Executive Director of the Open Arms Home in North Richland Hills, Texas.

HEARTLIGHT^® Magazine is a ministry of loving Christians and the Westover Hills church of Christ.
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Edited by Phil Ware and Paul Lee.
Article copyright © 1998, Elna Vanderberg. Used by permission.
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