Editor's Introduction: There are many ways to approach the issue of childlessness for Christians. Adoption is one path that some have chosen. Others have prayerfully involved themselves in fertility treatments to have children. A third option, one not often receiving comment, is to dedicate your family without children to the work of the Lord. This is the path Ron and Barbara have chosen. They are special to me for many reasons. Our daughter was blessed to be in Barbara's pre-kindergarten class. Ron has been a powerful influence among college students at the University of Texas and in our state government. Both serve our congregation with special and very time consuming ministries. And yes, both have been "blessed" with stupid, insensitive, and unwitting things people have said and done about them not having children. As in all things, they have handled this with dignity, grace and Christian charity. Ron's thoughts here will hopefully offer all of us a little bit different perspective on a very personal and emotional subject.

    Barbara and I have been married for over 23 years. We have never been able to have children of our own. Like most young couples, we assumed that we would begin our married life working and establishing ourselves as a couple. We would then start a family. But it didn't happen according to our plan. We prayed about having children. After several years of trying, we came to the conclusion that it was not God's plan for us. We have accepted this reality and committed ourselves to serving Him together. While not always easy, God has blessed us in many ways.

    I do not mean to minimize the heartache of not being able to have children. People will question why you don't have children. Others imply that by not having children you are in some way being selfish. Some just make off-handed remarks that hurt. While these remarks are not intended to cause pain, they can still feel like arrows through your heart. Some of that pain goes away over time, but some may never go away. Even experience in handling the difficult moments of uncomfortable conversation doesn't take away all of the sting. But there is another side to this issue that many never consider. Let me focus on just a few of the gifts that God has given us as a family without children.

    While we did not have biological children of our own, our life has been filled with children. Barbara taught young children for fifteen years. Because we did not have children of our own, she poured herself into their lives and shared with them Jesus' love. That's almost an entire generation that has benefited from godly teaching and love because she had undiluted time to give to them. God opened doors of service to me because I had the time to serve. I spent years working with a campus ministry program and with college students because I had the time and the ability to minister to those who live on "college student time." We were able to "adopt" many of these young people as part of our family during their college years. Many of these have gone on to marry and have families of their own. They are a very special part of our family.

We have to develop a trust in God to lead us in ways that serve Him.

    We have also been blessed to serve God and his people based on our gifts and our opportunities. We often get to serve together. How many couples do you know that never seem to have time to serve in God's kingdom because all of their time is spent on keeping up with their children's activities, illnesses, needs, questions, and concerns? This part of their life is important and necessary. As parents, they cannot neglect these God given responsibilities as long as they have children in their home. But so many opportunities for Christian service go begging because people are simply too busy with important family responsibilities while golden opportunities are lost for the Kingdom. We have been able to serve in these special moments when many of the couples in our age group could not.

    In addition, families without children can really get to know each other in profound and unique ways. In some families, raising children can separate husband and wife into compartmentalized roles. The husband is responsible for making a living, the wife for raising the children, and in the process they lose that common bond that binds them together. We have had the opportunity to work together and know each other in a special ways as we have served together. We have been able to travel together extensively -- to visit places all over the country and the world. God has revealed to us special blessings that we may not have otherwise known as we have grown together facing the challenges and enjoying the blessings of being a family without children of our own.

    We are promised that we will never be given any burden that will be too heavy for us to carry. We have to develop a trust in God to lead us in ways that serve Him. Those ways may not be exactly what we envisioned for our future. During my college years, I would have never dreamed I would end up in my career field, living in Austin, or having done many of the things the Lord has led me to accomplish. But I have always tried to seek God's discernment in making decisions in life and when I have followed His leading I have never failed to be blessed.

    As you face the opportunities and challenges of building a godly family without children of your own, please spend time in prayer. Pray privately. Pray together. Be honest with God about your feelings. At the same time, ask Him to open your eyes to His unending love for you. God cares about you. God daily cares for you. He cares as only an eternal loving Father can. Because one prayer of your heart is not answered, does not mean He refuses to hear and doesn't care about your hurt. Ask Him to help you see His grace in your life, in your partner, and in your opportunities to serve Him.

    God's love and care, however, are often best experienced in the presence of Christian friends. Look for others around you that you love and can trust with the joys and burdens of your heart. Allow them to share your burdens and to pray with you and for you. It is my prayer that you will continue to put your love and trust in our Lord Jesus Christ, relying on the Holy Spirit, the great Comforter sent by God, to calm your inner soul.

    As a family without children, God can and will open your eyes to many different opportunities to serve Him. But you must sincerely ask Him to teach you to find them, and then be willing to be used in them to glorify God and to bless His family. Our experience has made me sure of one thing, God will bless you in every way that you choose to serve Him.