The Craving for Intimacy with Another Human
by Joe Beam
From the very beginning, God has shown us that we humans desperately need intimacy with another human.
So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(Genesis 2:20-24)To understand yourself and your mate, please take the time to think this passage through carefully. Likely you've read it or heard it many times, but see it afresh as we dig into its depths. It holds the key to the most powerful drives within us.
When God made Adam, He left him as a lone creature with no counterpart. Every other animal had a mate, but not Adam. God wouldn't complete the creation of humankind until man craved the completion. To make sure that Adam grasped his incompleteness, God directed him to name all the animals so that in that naming process, poor Adam would come to a great and crushing realization: Not only was he different from the others in terms of intelligence and spiritual dimension (Genesis 1:26), but of all God's creatures, he was the only one totally alone. The only one without a matching part.
Interestingly, the Hebrew word translated alone in Genesis 1:18 is written in English as bad. Perhaps that's coincidental, but it seems almost prophetic -- as if God looked forward in history to a time when people would speak English and wanted to give them a message, as if he wanted them in their own language to comprehend that it's bad for a person to be alone. We know God feels this way because it was He who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)
But the greater dimension of the Hebrew word for alone means a "piece or part of something." And this also applies: Adam was only a part or piece of the whole. He was made to be a part of something that did not yet exist in totality. Only when God made the woman was the process finished.
Verse 18 of Genesis 2 uses the phrase "help meet" (KJV) or "helper suitable" (NIV). In the original Hebrew, that phrase means someone to correspond to or match the other. That's why Adam was so alone: His corresponding or matching part didn't exist yet. God made Eve to complete Adam. And of course, Adam, in turn, completed Eve. Humankind requires two parts to make the whole: a man and a woman. By the design of God, each needs the other.
As soon as Eve came into existence, Adam knew that she completed him. She was his ideal and perfect match, his corresponding being. The two of them together would make one. That's why the text says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
One flesh.
United.
God created us with this need for intimacy with a mate. We've craved it from the beginning of the world. And He created this union to be the closest relationship on earth -- even closer than our relationship with the father and mother who gave us life and sustenance. And since God made humankind with this strong need for intimacy with a mate, it exists for all people who have lived or ever will live on this planet -- except for specific individuals whom God has intentionally gifted for singleness.*
If your life seems empty or unfulfilled, it may well be because you don't feel the intimacy with your spouse God designed you to have. If you experience feelings of loneliness or occasionally find yourself longing for a relationship very different from the one you now have, it's almost a sure thing that intimacy hasn't reached its intended level.
* Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that the ability to live without a mate required a special spiritual gift from God (v. 7). If you are a single person who takes offense at the bold statements about humankind only being complete when married, please note verses 7 and 8 carefully. If you, like Paul, have the gift of singleness, you don't need a mate. If you don't have this gift, then you probably are very much aware of this need for a mate. God intended humankind to be completed by intimacy with a spouse; only He can change that for any human so that the person can find fulfillment alone.
Posted: 02/01/2002
URL: http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200202/20020201_intimacy3.htmlBy Joe Beam <joebeam@familydynamics.net>, Chairman and Founder, Family Dynamics Institute, <http://familydynamics.net>. From his book, "Becoming One" (c) 1999, Howard Publishing Company. Used by permission. This article cannot be reprinted in another publication without written permission of the publisher.
<http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?event=AFF&p=1014827&item_no=WW80784>(c) 1996-2006, Heartlight, Inc.