Advice Givers
by Philip Gulley
If a well-intentioned person says to you, "Now it's none of my business, but if that were my child, I would...," please, for the sake of our Lord, stifle your impulse to choke them.
Before our first child was born, my wife and I read several books about parenting. When Spencer arrived, we discovered just how useful those books can be, particularly for chewing on.
When our second son, Sam, was born, my mother came to help. She's a smart woman who reads quite a bit. She had just read a book about parenting and was eager to share her knowledge. Spencer, then two years old, threw a tantrum while Mom was with us. I hadn't slept for two days, and after an hour of crying-mine, not his-I gave Spencer what he wanted.
"Boy that was a mistake," Mom warned. And she proceeded to tell me that if Spencer gets what he wants by throwing a fit, there's no telling where he'll end up.
"Probably in Congress," I told her.
Mom even had advice about sleeping. She advised us to have baby Sam lie on his back to prevent crib death. But someone else said they should lie on their stomachs for the same reason. So to be safe, I built a rotisserie crib.
Be sure to pray that your child escapes the usual infant ailments, because giving up vacation time to watch your kid is a real drag. But also because advice givers come out of the woodwork when they catch a whiff of sickness. Surprisingly, many people spoke about the curative power of whiskey in small doses. So I tried it, but it only made me lightheaded and woozy.
The worst advice we received was from a man who told us that holding our baby would spoil him. Obviously he didn't understand how babies require the intimacy that cuddling provides. Besides, cuddling babies is fun and almost makes up for what our children do to us as teenagers.
The best advice we received was from the lady who told us about baby-sitters.
The Bible offers parenting advice. It speaks of sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Some folks think this means spanking your child, but the psalmist speaks of a rod which gives comfort. "Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." So it really has more to do with gentle guidance.
I believe I've got this advice thing figured out. It isn't that we think we know more than the parents. It's mostly about lending a hand with something as neat as raising a child. It's the same principle behind planting a tree. Twenty years later, we come upon it and delight that we had a part in its growing.
So when folks start telling you how to raise your child, don't think of them as busybodies, but as tree planters. That way if your little sapling goes bad, you'll have someone else to blame.
Posted: 04/26/2001
URL: http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200104/20010426_advice.htmlFrom the book "Front Porch Tales," by Philip Gulley. (c) 1997 by Multnomah Pub., Used by permission. Available for purchase online at:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?event=AFF&p=1014827&item_no=WW006277(c) 1996-2006, Heartlight, Inc.