“Researchers: Marriage Doesn’t Make You Happy!” I read that headline from CNN.com, and that headline sure got my attention.

    After five years of working with a Bible class on marriage and working with my church’s marriage ministry, my first thought was that’s ridiculous; my marriage has brought me unbelievable joy! Then I remembered some of the couples to whom I had listened, and the struggles that I had witnessed. I read on.

    “Researchers tracked more than 24,000 people from 1984 to 1995, asking participants every year to rate their overall life satisfaction from zero (totally unhappy) to 10 (totally happy). The average boost from marriage was small —one-tenth of one point on the scale, researchers said.”

    Is this true? Well this study certainly stimulated my neurons. I begin to think, what are the things that make me happy? A scripture leapt from back in my past memories, “Those who love money will never have enough. How absurd to think that wealth brings true happiness!” (Ecclesiastes 5:10 NLT)

    So the question for us is, if marriage, money... do not boost our happiness then have we made the choice to be happy? Yes, I believe that is primarily our choice. This has been known for hundreds of years. No one said it better than Ben Franklin, “The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it, you have to catch up with it yourself.”

    I searched the article for the “hidden agenda,” the bottom line. “The study, which took 15 years to complete, also found that people who were already satisfied with their lives before marriage were more likely to stay married longer.”

    This says a lot to singles, doesn’t it? Work on your happiness before you marry, and it’s possible it will lengthen and enrich your marriage. I don’t think it applies to just singles though.

Are we letting the unhappiness with other things creep into our existing marriages?

    Are we letting the unhappiness with other things creep into our existing marriages? Have we changed our effort and focus away from genuine happiness and settle for trivial and short-lived bursts of selfish escape? Helen Keller knew a lot about disappointment and pain. She lost her sight and hearing at nineteen months old, struggling in a time that was so difficult for people who were physically challenged. This is what she said about focusing on happiness: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

    There is no doubt that the honeymoon can create a short-term euphoria in marriage. If you are looking to maintain that high level of happiness throughout the marriage, you may be headed for trouble. But, you can find lasting and abiding joy if you choose to do so! Joseph Addison put it this way in one of my very favorite quotes on happiness: “Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do —(purpose), something to love — (an investment in others), and something to hope for” — (faith).”

    Let’s make sure that when we choose to be happy, that our happiness is built on the unchanging joys God longs to provide us. Our happiness needs a foundation on someone unchanging and solid. Human beings will let us down. Jesus came to show us the way to eternal happiness. This is what he said about happiness/joy: “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:11)

 

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Title: "Beyond Research to Joy"
Author: Byron Ware
Publication Date: April 24, 2003