It all started as a small, innocent distraction. A glance, a smile, a word, a wink, then a comment, a short discussion, a longer, quieter talk, and finally even longer, and more intimate heart-felt talks and discussions that could have gone on forever if only I had my way.

    Little did I know that all of this was leading to a more serious consequence; the division of so many things I held so dear in the past — like my devotion to my spouse, my commitment to my marriage vows, my loving obligations to my children, and most important of all, my relationship to my Lord. Oblivious and unconcerned about the consequences, I continued my pursuit of all this “feel-good” divisive activity until it resulted in the inevitable:

The destruction of so many things that I would later realize meant more to me than life itself. What I found destroyed was the love of someone I had once loved so very much, our marriage, our family, the respect I had once enjoyed from others who were important to me, and my self-respect.

    Then one day I found myself in a dream. It was as though I were on the crest of a lonely hillside. As I looked back over my shoulder across this hillside, I saw absolute devastation! Like a scene from a Stephen King movie, horror filled my senses. Lying across this hillside as far as the eye could see were bodies of victims I had once known and loved. Equipment and machinery lay strewn about the hillside, broken, and lying grotesquely useless. Vegetation had once occupied this scene, but now all that was left was a few spindly “used-to-be” trees that were now nothing more than blackened toothpicks. Then it dawned on me: This is all here because of me. I created all this. I violated God’s laws and principles and this was the consequence. So much of what I saw could never be restored and was destined to be so as long as time remained. As reality caught up with me, an overwhelming sense of foreboding came over me.

What have I done? How could I have caused all this?

    Despair gripped all my senses. What have I done? How could I have caused all this? It’s not what I wanted. I never intended that any of this should happen. If I had only known — perhaps I wouldn’t now feel all this despair. But no, God had warned me in so many ways. I just didn’t want to listen. After all, didn’t He want me to be happy!? Then I realized; of course He wants me to be happy, and He knows the only way I will be is to be obedient to His commands, His will, and His precepts. Through obedience and an abiding faith in Him I could find peace that passes all understanding — something I certainly didn’t have at that moment. Maybe I wouldn’t find the fantasized happiness I had once hoped for, but, nothing compares with the peace He promises me. This realization merely makes my despair more pronounced and my hopelessness so much more deep. What do I do now? Where can I go to find healing? In my world of darkness I cry out to Him! “O Lord, please help me in my distress. Heal me and make me whole once again. I need you more than anything...” and out of the corner of my tear stained eyes I see it ever so faintly.

    A light that flashes across the distant horizon — is that what I saw? And then I see it again, and again. My wide-open eyes see it coming ever closer. A beautiful light, warm and welcoming, and I’m drawn to it as I’ve never been drawn to anything else. And then I realize it’s not lightning at all. No, instead it’s the maker of all light. It’s Jesus my Lord and Savior! I see Him reaching out to me with those nail-scarred hands. I see a beautiful smile on His face and tears in His eyes. I hear Him say to me “I’ve been waiting so long to hear your voice. I’ve missed you so much. Welcome back home. Take my hand and come rest a while in my arms. I love you so very much.” And then, through my tears and regrets, I know everything will be better. Maybe not like He wanted it to be for me from the beginning, but He will find ways to help me recover some of what I destroyed. Maybe not just like I had it, but in other ways that will perhaps help others like myself find their way back home into His loving arms. Deliverance at long last. Praise God my redeemer!!

 

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The author of this article prefers to remain anonymous. However, it is important that his story be shared to help others perhaps struggling through a similar situation.

Title: "From Destruction to Deliverance"
Author: Anonymous
Publication Date: September 14, 2002