Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)

    As the assistant coach for my daughter’s basketball team my job is to help the head coach teach the girls some of the fundamentals of the game. Dribbling. Passing. Defense. Shooting. Playing as a team. Most of the coaching in this instructional league really takes place in the thirty minutes of practice prior to the game. Once the ball is tipped it is difficult, at best, to get ten, eleven, and twelve-year-old girls to understand the value of setting a good screen, or to grasp the importance of blocking-out in order to get a rebound.

    At this age, the aggressive “we-gotta-win” mentality has not yet taken over. Their innocence is still very evident at this stage of the game. In one game a girl bumped into another while they both were going after a loose ball. She stopped and said, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Another time I heard one of the girls say, “Excuse me,” as she tried to take the ball away from one of the girls on the other team. Last week as a substitution was made one of the girls on the opposing teams yelled back at the bench: “I don’t know who I’m guarding.” From our bench one of our girls said, “You were guarding me, so now you’re guarding....” I reminded her that in a real game you might not want to do that. (After all, it is an instructional league.)

“That was a nice thing to do. Don’t ever stop being nice.”

    She gave me a puzzled look and I wished I had not said anything. Even now as I reflect on the incident, I wish I had kept my instructions to myself. I wish I had said instead, “That was a nice thing to do. Don’t ever stop being nice.”

    When we wonder what has happened to all the nice people, perhaps we should look to a basketball court full of little girls. Maybe we should think about how we may actually be teaching our kids not to be so nice. Do we really want them to learn not to be nice? Maybe we should ask ourselves if the high cost of winning at any cost is really worth the cost.

    I am reminded of a statement that my daughter has somewhat adopted as one of her favorites: “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” We would do well not to work so hard to teach our children not to be so nice. I am glad this is an instructional league. I think I may be learning something.

    Let’s be nice.

© 2002, Tom Norvell. Used by permission. A Norvell Note is a weekly email message from Tom Norvell. Check it out!

Title: "Be Nice"
Author: Tom Norvell
Publication Date: February 21, 2002

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